Bad blogger! I know there aren't many out there that read this silly thing, but I feel bad for not updating.
We are all still alive here. Little girl is kicking up a storm, my pregnancy has been going alright so far. Just some minor stuff, I have been having problems keeping my blood pressure up, and its been causing some vision problems. Since Christmas is over now, and hopefully work will slow down, and I'll be able to go to shorter hours.
I'll update more eventually. Sooner rather then later!!!
Friday, December 27, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
IT'S A......
UGH.... I am a serious slacker this month!! I am just going to do a super quick update!
T and I are doing good. Baby is doing really well. We had our Anatomy Scan last week and let me tell you... this is one stubborn kid I am carrying. It took almost the entire appointment for them to get a good gender shot. But after 35/40 minutes of trying.... we finally found out what we are having.
We are officially having a girl.
She is stubborn. She is still very low and when we saw her she was head down. She refused to open her legs wide enough to get a good look to make sure she was indeed a girl. As soon as the tech said she was indeed a girl, I started crying. I honestly think I would have cried if they told me that it was a boy, but I guess we will never know. All of her measurements were good, she is measuring right on track. I have an Anterior Placenta which is why I haven't felt much movement.
We have another appointment Monday, which was just my monthly appointment. But we are taking this opportunity to ask questions that I should have asked at our appointment. And honestly, I didn't have any questions then. But now, I do. I have a few actually. And I think T has a couple.
I'll post some pictures soon. I am going to try not to be such a lazy slacker and post more.
T and I are doing good. Baby is doing really well. We had our Anatomy Scan last week and let me tell you... this is one stubborn kid I am carrying. It took almost the entire appointment for them to get a good gender shot. But after 35/40 minutes of trying.... we finally found out what we are having.
We are officially having a girl.
She is stubborn. She is still very low and when we saw her she was head down. She refused to open her legs wide enough to get a good look to make sure she was indeed a girl. As soon as the tech said she was indeed a girl, I started crying. I honestly think I would have cried if they told me that it was a boy, but I guess we will never know. All of her measurements were good, she is measuring right on track. I have an Anterior Placenta which is why I haven't felt much movement.
We have another appointment Monday, which was just my monthly appointment. But we are taking this opportunity to ask questions that I should have asked at our appointment. And honestly, I didn't have any questions then. But now, I do. I have a few actually. And I think T has a couple.
I'll post some pictures soon. I am going to try not to be such a lazy slacker and post more.
Monday, November 18, 2013
19 Weeks and Counting!
Hey all! I haven't been around for a couple weeks. Trying to get some stuff in order around here.
I really wish this kid would move. I am growing impatient and antsy. My head keeps going to a bad place. I keep having to remind myself that this baby is healthy and that nothing is going to go wrong. I have never experienced a loss, but for some reason, loss is always in the back of my mind. I know the saying "don't borrow trouble" and I am not wanting any trouble at all. I just want to feel this baby move.
How far along are you? 19weeks
How big is Baby? 6 inches, .5 lbs
Weight Gain? At my last appointment I was up 4lbs. With all of the food I have been eating lately, that should go up.
Gender? I think its a girl, I don't know why but I do. Everyone else says boy, but I rebelling, its a girl.
Sleep? Still tired. But managing to get some good sleep.
Movement? Still no! This kid is stubborn.
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
What I miss? This last weekend I missed drinking. It was my girlfriends 35th birthday, and I wanted a glass of wine.
I really wish this kid would move. I am growing impatient and antsy. My head keeps going to a bad place. I keep having to remind myself that this baby is healthy and that nothing is going to go wrong. I have never experienced a loss, but for some reason, loss is always in the back of my mind. I know the saying "don't borrow trouble" and I am not wanting any trouble at all. I just want to feel this baby move.
How far along are you? 19weeks
How big is Baby? 6 inches, .5 lbs
Fruit Size? Mango
Weight Gain? At my last appointment I was up 4lbs. With all of the food I have been eating lately, that should go up.
Gender? I think its a girl, I don't know why but I do. Everyone else says boy, but I rebelling, its a girl.
Maternity Clothes? All the time.
Stretch Marks? Not that I see.
Sleep? Still tired. But managing to get some good sleep.
Symptoms? I don't have any really anymore. I still have sore boobs, and some stretching in my belly. My biggest symptom I would have to say is my belly. Someone, a stranger actually, noticed the other day, I was so excited!
Movement? Still no! This kid is stubborn.
Food Cravings? Peppermint Hot Chocolate, and salad.
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
Belly Button in or out? In... don't think it will go out.
What I miss? This last weekend I missed drinking. It was my girlfriends 35th birthday, and I wanted a glass of wine.
What I am looking forward to? Our anatomy scan is next week. I am both anxious and excited!
Best moment of the week? My sister and cousin are starting to plan my baby shower. That is going to be a huge event. HUGE!!!
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
16 Weeks and Still Working.... Thankfully
Okay so long story short, we did not go on strike! I went today and voted for the new contract. After looking it over it looks good. We didn't loose anything, and we didn't gain anything. We got exactly what we were asking for. The same thing we had...
Other then that nothing else is going on. Work has been nuts, I worked 54 hours last week, and I'm working on that this week. T and I got into it a little because I am worried we won't have enough money for the holidays. I told him I wanted to get a second job at Target for just a few extra hours a week. He basically laughed at me and told me I was crazy. I am sure that I am. So I guess I should do my bi-weekly update, since I can't seem to remember to do this every week.
How far along are you? 16w1d
How big is Baby? 5 inches, 5 oz
Weight Gain? No clue, but I don't think I have gained too much, maybe another pound or two.
Gender? I don't know anymore, I want a healthy baby. Everyone says boy still, hoping to find out in a couple weeks.
Sleep? Getting anywhere between 6 and 10 hours of sleep every night. Still seems like it isn't enough.
Movement? NO!!! I am growing impatient. I know that 1st time moms don't feel it this early but I wanna feel it now!!!
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
What I miss? I miss not being so freaking thirsty all the time!!!
Other then that nothing else is going on. Work has been nuts, I worked 54 hours last week, and I'm working on that this week. T and I got into it a little because I am worried we won't have enough money for the holidays. I told him I wanted to get a second job at Target for just a few extra hours a week. He basically laughed at me and told me I was crazy. I am sure that I am. So I guess I should do my bi-weekly update, since I can't seem to remember to do this every week.
How far along are you? 16w1d
How big is Baby? 5 inches, 5 oz
Fruit Size? Avocado
Weight Gain? No clue, but I don't think I have gained too much, maybe another pound or two.
Gender? I don't know anymore, I want a healthy baby. Everyone says boy still, hoping to find out in a couple weeks.
Maternity Clothes? Pretty much all the time now, they are just super comfy.
Stretch Marks? Nothing I didn't have before.
Sleep? Getting anywhere between 6 and 10 hours of sleep every night. Still seems like it isn't enough.
Symptoms? Boobs are still hurting, I have some abdominal pain every once in a while, but nothing too bad, just some pulling and stretching.
Movement? NO!!! I am growing impatient. I know that 1st time moms don't feel it this early but I wanna feel it now!!!
Food Cravings? Not really, but T brought it to my attention the other night that I have been eating more cottage cheese then usual, and now that I think of it, I have to have it in the house. I eat it almost daily. So I guess yes, I like cottage cheese.
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
Belly Button in or out? In... don't think it will go out.
What I miss? I miss not being so freaking thirsty all the time!!!
What I am looking forward to? We have an appointment next Monday. I am excited to hear the babies heart beat.
Best moment of the week? Getting through this week.... it's been crazy with work!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Who Is Going to Hire the Pregnant Lady???
That is the question I keep asking myself....
I have not been fired, I have not been let go or laid off. We are going on strike. I work for Safeway, I do everything there, everything from Bookkeeping to being a Starbucks barista. As of Monday night at 7pm we will be walking off the job. I am scared, I am afraid that I won't have insurance and I am afraid I won't get maternity leave.
Today I worked 10 hours, trying to help with the chaos of the store. I told my manager I would stay until my body started hurting. Well, I could only do 10 hours, which is pretty normal for me. But right now, while I am sitting here, I am exhausted and think that maybe I over did it a little. Maybe tomorrow I will only work 9 hours.
The good thing is, I guess, is that the holidays are coming and all the shops are looking for extra help. I plan on going to Target and Macy's if the strike last too long. I will also go to Starbucks to see if they will need help. Since I am trained and already certified I should have a foot in the door, so to speak.
I guess, that is all, we will see what the next 24 hours brings us. T says that we will be alright for a little while, but I still worry. I guess for right now we will just see what the future brings us. As of right now, the future is bringing us a lot of uncertainty.
I have not been fired, I have not been let go or laid off. We are going on strike. I work for Safeway, I do everything there, everything from Bookkeeping to being a Starbucks barista. As of Monday night at 7pm we will be walking off the job. I am scared, I am afraid that I won't have insurance and I am afraid I won't get maternity leave.
Today I worked 10 hours, trying to help with the chaos of the store. I told my manager I would stay until my body started hurting. Well, I could only do 10 hours, which is pretty normal for me. But right now, while I am sitting here, I am exhausted and think that maybe I over did it a little. Maybe tomorrow I will only work 9 hours.
The good thing is, I guess, is that the holidays are coming and all the shops are looking for extra help. I plan on going to Target and Macy's if the strike last too long. I will also go to Starbucks to see if they will need help. Since I am trained and already certified I should have a foot in the door, so to speak.
I guess, that is all, we will see what the next 24 hours brings us. T says that we will be alright for a little while, but I still worry. I guess for right now we will just see what the future brings us. As of right now, the future is bringing us a lot of uncertainty.
Monday, October 14, 2013
14 Weeks!!! Update!!!
Things here are good. I caught a cold. I think just a head cold. T has it too. I don't think he is used to me getting sick. Normally I just give it to him!!! Our 2 year anniversary is tomorrow and I have a feeling we will be sitting at home eating grilled cheese and chicken soup.
How far along are you? 14 weeks
How big is Baby? 4 to 4 1/2 inches long
Weight Gain? Technically, I lost 5lbs. but now I am up 2lbs. So I guess I am still down 3lbs or so.
Gender? Everyone is still saying boy, I am starting to become convinced.
Sleep? I am starting to sleep better, thankfully. Invested in a body pillow.
Movement? I think I have felt some flutters. But it could have been gas. I don't know....
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
What I miss? Wine.
How far along are you? 14 weeks
How big is Baby? 4 to 4 1/2 inches long
Fruit Size? Lemon
Weight Gain? Technically, I lost 5lbs. but now I am up 2lbs. So I guess I am still down 3lbs or so.
Gender? Everyone is still saying boy, I am starting to become convinced.
Maternity Clothes? Jeans, all the time, and some tops.
Stretch Marks? Nothing I didn't have before.
Sleep? I am starting to sleep better, thankfully. Invested in a body pillow.
Symptoms? Boobs still hurt like mad. But that is the only thing I got right now.
Movement? I think I have felt some flutters. But it could have been gas. I don't know....
Food Cravings? Mac n Cheese with Ranch dressing... I know now that I think of it, it sounds gross.
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
Belly Button in or out? In.... Probably for a long while now.
What I miss? Wine.
What I am looking forward to? Movement... I can't wait for regular movement.
Best moment of the week? I got to hear the babies heart beat last week. The Dr. had a hard time finding it, but she did.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Crazy? I was crazy once.....
So not much has been going on here in our little world. I am just cruising along nicely. I assume things are going the way they are supposed to, I have an appointment on Monday so I will probably find out more then. I am 13w3d as of today, and I am feeling good. I have been sleeping better, and eating better, and I think that is what is giving me more energy. I am very excited to be out of the 1st trimester. I still have my moments of paranoia, I am sure those will always be around.
Work has been busy, and chaotic. I work for a major grocery chain here in Washington. Well, a couple weeks ago, 98% of my co-workers, union members, and I voted to strike if the employers didn't bring another proposal to the table. Which will basically take away all major grocers. I am not going to get into the politics of it all, but they are trying to take away our benefits and make us use Obamacare. Which is a bunch of crap. That is all I am going to say about that. But needless to say, people have been crazy, and asking so many questions, and shopping before they can't shop anymore. Which I appreciate the fact that a majority of our customers wouldn't cross the picket line. But, holy hell its been busy.
Because of the possibility of a strike, T and I have put off house hunting. Which totally sucks! And it makes me sad to think that we will be bringing baby home to this cold damp house. But, I guess I can be happy that we are bringing a baby home, and we have a house to bring it home too. So I am in the process of making this house our home, don't ask me why I haven't in the last five years done this. But now it seems that it is more important then ever.
In other news, we have found a Cardiologist for T to go to, T comes from a long line of bad hearts. His dad had a quadruple bypass by the age of 48 and has had 5 heart attacks since. 3 of his dads brothers died before they hit 55. T has high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and after changing our diet and numerous meds, its not working. His numbers are still high. So we sought out a Cardiologist, one of the best in the Greater Seattle Area.
So I guess there is more going on then I thought. Or maybe not a lot going on, but just some big stuff coming up. But, here's hoping we don't strike. Cause as much as I would like a vacation, I would like to have a stress-less vacation. But, I guess I could get the house in order!!!
Work has been busy, and chaotic. I work for a major grocery chain here in Washington. Well, a couple weeks ago, 98% of my co-workers, union members, and I voted to strike if the employers didn't bring another proposal to the table. Which will basically take away all major grocers. I am not going to get into the politics of it all, but they are trying to take away our benefits and make us use Obamacare. Which is a bunch of crap. That is all I am going to say about that. But needless to say, people have been crazy, and asking so many questions, and shopping before they can't shop anymore. Which I appreciate the fact that a majority of our customers wouldn't cross the picket line. But, holy hell its been busy.
Because of the possibility of a strike, T and I have put off house hunting. Which totally sucks! And it makes me sad to think that we will be bringing baby home to this cold damp house. But, I guess I can be happy that we are bringing a baby home, and we have a house to bring it home too. So I am in the process of making this house our home, don't ask me why I haven't in the last five years done this. But now it seems that it is more important then ever.
In other news, we have found a Cardiologist for T to go to, T comes from a long line of bad hearts. His dad had a quadruple bypass by the age of 48 and has had 5 heart attacks since. 3 of his dads brothers died before they hit 55. T has high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and after changing our diet and numerous meds, its not working. His numbers are still high. So we sought out a Cardiologist, one of the best in the Greater Seattle Area.
So I guess there is more going on then I thought. Or maybe not a lot going on, but just some big stuff coming up. But, here's hoping we don't strike. Cause as much as I would like a vacation, I would like to have a stress-less vacation. But, I guess I could get the house in order!!!
Monday, September 23, 2013
Update!!!
How far along are you? 11 weeks
How big is Baby? 2 inches long, .3lbs
Weight Gain? I think still only 1 pound
Gender? Everyone still says its a boy.
Sleep? waking up everyone couple hours to pee.
Movement? oh no... way to early for that.
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
What I miss? getting a good nights sleep!
How big is Baby? 2 inches long, .3lbs
Fruit Size? Lime
Weight Gain? I think still only 1 pound
Gender? Everyone still says its a boy.
Maternity Clothes? Jeans, when I have to wear something besides yoga pants.
Stretch Marks? Nothing I didn't have before.
Sleep? waking up everyone couple hours to pee.
Symptoms? Sore boobs, heartburn, gassy, still bloated!
Movement? oh no... way to early for that.
Food Cravings? nothing this week!
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
Belly Button in or out? In.... Probably for a long while now.
What I miss? getting a good nights sleep!
What I am looking forward to? Right now, getting out of the 1st trimester!
Best moment of the week? Announcing on Facebook.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Sometimes Being Realistic Sucks!
Soooo.... not much is going on here.... this is going to be a short update.
We went and saw our little "bun" on Thursday. Seriously I think the cutest thing I have ever seen. It had a good strong heart beat at 171bpm and measuring right on track.
The Dr. Says that everything is on track for a normal healthy pregnancy. I know that that should ease some of my anxieties, and it does. But, I know there is always a chance that something could go wrong. Trust me, I dont want to go through my pregnancy worrying about everything, but I also don't want to go through my pregnancy with wool over my eyes. I am a realistic person, and I know things happen, but I am just hopeful that the Dr. is right.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Post and Run!
How far along are you? 9 weeks and 0 days
How big is Baby? One inch long... roughly
Weight Gain? Only 1 pound
Gender? Everyone still says its a boy.
Stretch Marks? Nothing I didn't have before.
Sleep? yes, I love sleep.
Movement? oh no... way to early for that.
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
What I miss? right now I miss not being bloated all the time.
How big is Baby? One inch long... roughly
Fruit Size? Olive
Weight Gain? Only 1 pound
Gender? Everyone still says its a boy.
Maternity Clothes? I have some stuff so I am prepared. My sister hooked me up with a big bin of shirts and stuff.
Stretch Marks? Nothing I didn't have before.
Sleep? yes, I love sleep.
Symptoms? Sore boobs, tired, nauseous, hungry, thirsty, and still pretty bloated.
Movement? oh no... way to early for that.
Food Cravings? I like pickles!!
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
Belly Button in or out? In.... Probably for a long while now.
What I miss? right now I miss not being bloated all the time.
What I am looking forward to? My dr.'s appointment is this week, I am so so so excited!!!
Best moment of the week? It was A's 6th birthday this last weekend, we had so much fun.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Today I Choose To Be Positive!
Not much going on this week. T and I just got done meeting with the real estate agent and looking at a couple condos. Interesting....
I am exhausted and feel like I could sleep forever. I wish I felt less bloated and just a little more pregnant. I worry a lot, which I am sure isn't healthy. But I am trying to remember that, today I am pregnant and I am extremely happy. I have always been a huge worrier, and a majority of the time it has gotten the best of me, and sent me into a panic attack. But this time, I am trying to say positive. I am trying to give myself pep talks when I feel myself getting down, or starting to worry.
How far along are you? 7 weeks and 0 days
How big is Baby? Itty bitty....
Weight Gain? Not to sure... Haven't really been keeping track
Gender? Everyone says boy... only one person has said girl.
Stretch Marks? No new ones.
Sleep? Lots and lots of it.
Movement? oh no... way to early for that.
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
What I miss? right now I miss not being bloated all the time.
I am exhausted and feel like I could sleep forever. I wish I felt less bloated and just a little more pregnant. I worry a lot, which I am sure isn't healthy. But I am trying to remember that, today I am pregnant and I am extremely happy. I have always been a huge worrier, and a majority of the time it has gotten the best of me, and sent me into a panic attack. But this time, I am trying to say positive. I am trying to give myself pep talks when I feel myself getting down, or starting to worry.
How far along are you? 7 weeks and 0 days
How big is Baby? Itty bitty....
Fruit Size? Blueberry
Weight Gain? Not to sure... Haven't really been keeping track
Gender? Everyone says boy... only one person has said girl.
Maternity Clothes? Kinda, I picked up a couple things because my pants were getting tight and I had some stuff coming up where I couldn't wear yoga pants too...
Stretch Marks? No new ones.
Sleep? Lots and lots of it.
Symptoms? Sore boobs, tired, nauseous, hungry, thirsty, oh and really tired.... did I mention that??
Movement? oh no... way to early for that.
Food Cravings? No cravings, just want to eat.
Labor Signs? not for a very long time.
Belly Button in or out? In.... Probably for a while now.
What I miss? right now I miss not being bloated all the time.
What I am looking forward to? September 12th, our next appointment with the new doctor.
Best moment of the week? Going to the dr. and seeing buns heartbeat.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
One Perfect Baby!!!
We had our appointment today! Dr. A was so surprised to see us! And to see us pregnant! And as you can see from the picture below! We are 100% pregnant!!! She changed our due date to April 14, 2014. I love that date! I think it has such a wonderful flow!!!
Anyways, I am feeling pretty good. Lots and Lots of bloat! I get hungry about every 2 to 3 hours, and I still have unquenchable thirst! I am getting up to pee about twice a night, and have some problems getting comfortable. My boobs still feel like they are going to fall off my body at any given moment. But other then all that, I am good.
Monday, August 12, 2013
We Have A Bun!
Betas came back today! 1295! 95 shy of doubling, but they said this was okay! My pregnancy looks like its going good. I have an ultrasound tomorrow. I am going to assume that things are progressing the way they should.
I have always been a huge worrier, and this is no different. I am constantly poking and prodding at my boobs to make sure they still hurt. I am terrified to go pee in worry that I will see blood. I know I am being irrational, but I am terrified.
We went camping this last weekend. That was a freaking adventure. We went fishing and caught our dinner one night. Friday night was so stormy! Huge thunder claps and lightening flashes, there were at least 3 storms around us at once. And the rain! Oh man did it come down! In freaking buckets!!! It was crazy! Anyways, when ever my sister and I would start talking about me being pregnant we always had to censor it a bit. I would love to tell A, but it is too soon, and I don't want to give her bad news if anything were to happen. So we started calling the baby "bun" as in "bun in the oven". We got a pretty big laugh at of it for a while there.
I have always been a huge worrier, and this is no different. I am constantly poking and prodding at my boobs to make sure they still hurt. I am terrified to go pee in worry that I will see blood. I know I am being irrational, but I am terrified.
We went camping this last weekend. That was a freaking adventure. We went fishing and caught our dinner one night. Friday night was so stormy! Huge thunder claps and lightening flashes, there were at least 3 storms around us at once. And the rain! Oh man did it come down! In freaking buckets!!! It was crazy! Anyways, when ever my sister and I would start talking about me being pregnant we always had to censor it a bit. I would love to tell A, but it is too soon, and I don't want to give her bad news if anything were to happen. So we started calling the baby "bun" as in "bun in the oven". We got a pretty big laugh at of it for a while there.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Betas Are Back!!!
Second Beta came back today at 695!!! YAY!!! Stick Baby!!! Stick!!! We will go in again on Friday morning very early before we hit the road for our camping trip! I'll update again on Monday!!
I have had a little bit of queasiness yesterday and today. Nothing to bad though, still able to function.
I have had a little bit of queasiness yesterday and today. Nothing to bad though, still able to function.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Super Quick Update!
Beta #1 came back at 300. I go in tomorrow for another and then again on Friday morning before our camping trip. Progesterone came back at 57. Anything over 20 is good! So as long as my Beta number doubles we will be good!!!
Monday, August 5, 2013
OMG OMG OMG!!!!!
We are officially Pregnant!!! I have to admit, we weren't expecting that this month!
We have told our folks and I have told almost all of our friends. I can't seem to keep this a secret, when I know I should at least try for a couple weeks. We are a little under 4 weeks pregnant, and I know I should just be quiet for a couple more weeks, but I can't help it. I am excited and people know! I have a good feeling about this, I am sure this will be a sticky baby. T won't let me go buy anything for a little bit. But I have started pregnancy journal, that I am sure I will keep up with for about a month and then forget about it.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Long Time No Update!!!
This is going to be quick, but I wanted to give an update just in case anyone actually reads this thing.
We have a diagnosis.... kinda.
T's swimmers are good. They are a tad slow, but they are in good shape. My uterus looks good, my lining is good, but my FSH and DHEA are elevated. My FSH is only elevated a little bit, Dr. A doesn't think it is something to be really concerned about at the time being, but my DHEA levels were elevated enough to cause concern. So I am on something called Dexamethasone, and I will be on it until I get a positive pregnancy test. We are still waiting for the HSG to take place. Since that is all Out of Pocket cost, we have to save for it. So hopefully with the Dexamethasone we will be successful.
We are currently in the TWW, we had good timing this last cycle, and T is more hopeful then usual. I am 10dpo and know that I could test, but I am TERRIFIED of a negative result. There is always that hope that we will get a positive, and I kinda wanna hold on to that for a little bit longer. But the anticipation is killing me, and I am so emotional about it this month that I am not sure anymore. I have had some bad phantom symptoms, I guess they aren't any different then any other month, but the one that I have noticed more is that I am pretty short tempered and emotional. I woke up this morning all happy and bouncy, and then after talking to L I was crying.
I am assuming that I will test some time this weekend, if I have the courage. If not then I will test some other time.... I don't know.
Anywhoo, that's about all I got for ya today. Hopefully I will be able to update more a little later. But again, there really wasn't much to update!!!
We have a diagnosis.... kinda.
T's swimmers are good. They are a tad slow, but they are in good shape. My uterus looks good, my lining is good, but my FSH and DHEA are elevated. My FSH is only elevated a little bit, Dr. A doesn't think it is something to be really concerned about at the time being, but my DHEA levels were elevated enough to cause concern. So I am on something called Dexamethasone, and I will be on it until I get a positive pregnancy test. We are still waiting for the HSG to take place. Since that is all Out of Pocket cost, we have to save for it. So hopefully with the Dexamethasone we will be successful.
We are currently in the TWW, we had good timing this last cycle, and T is more hopeful then usual. I am 10dpo and know that I could test, but I am TERRIFIED of a negative result. There is always that hope that we will get a positive, and I kinda wanna hold on to that for a little bit longer. But the anticipation is killing me, and I am so emotional about it this month that I am not sure anymore. I have had some bad phantom symptoms, I guess they aren't any different then any other month, but the one that I have noticed more is that I am pretty short tempered and emotional. I woke up this morning all happy and bouncy, and then after talking to L I was crying.
I am assuming that I will test some time this weekend, if I have the courage. If not then I will test some other time.... I don't know.
Anywhoo, that's about all I got for ya today. Hopefully I will be able to update more a little later. But again, there really wasn't much to update!!!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
I Guess I Should Update...
... though there really isn't much to update on.
Things have been pretty bland around here. Not much going on. T had his follow up appointment with his heart doc. His doc doesn't think that he has blood clots in his legs, which was fabulous news. But his Lipids and Cholesterol are very high, and the Dr. says that if he can't get them down, then he will have to have a procedure where they go in and get all of the buildup out of his arteries. That makes me a little nervous.
T still has to make his appointment for an SA. And I am waiting it out to see if I am going to get my period or if I am going to be pregnant. I am not getting my hopes up this cycle. With T not feeling well during half of my fertility window we only had sex once, and it was at the very beginning of my window. So I am assuming that I will be making my appointment for my CD3 blood work, and I think there is an ultrasound in there somewhere. We are going to try to do the HSG next month, hopefully middle of August. I am hoping that that is something we will be able to make payments on, or maybe we can put it on a credit card. I just don't know.
I am finally going to get my first raise since becoming a check. This is the raise that takes the longest, 4000 hours. It's usually estimated to do it in 3 years, I did it a year and a half. So in other words, I have been working my ass off and I am tried. I am going to try to get a vacation in sometime soon. I have an Engagement Party to plan, and I am pretty much going to throw myself into it full force. Not only because L & D deserve to have a wonderful party, but because I need a really good distraction from baby stuff.
So that is all that is going on here. Like I said, there really isn't much to update. Work is going to be crazy for the next two weeks. So not looking forward to it.
Things have been pretty bland around here. Not much going on. T had his follow up appointment with his heart doc. His doc doesn't think that he has blood clots in his legs, which was fabulous news. But his Lipids and Cholesterol are very high, and the Dr. says that if he can't get them down, then he will have to have a procedure where they go in and get all of the buildup out of his arteries. That makes me a little nervous.
T still has to make his appointment for an SA. And I am waiting it out to see if I am going to get my period or if I am going to be pregnant. I am not getting my hopes up this cycle. With T not feeling well during half of my fertility window we only had sex once, and it was at the very beginning of my window. So I am assuming that I will be making my appointment for my CD3 blood work, and I think there is an ultrasound in there somewhere. We are going to try to do the HSG next month, hopefully middle of August. I am hoping that that is something we will be able to make payments on, or maybe we can put it on a credit card. I just don't know.
I am finally going to get my first raise since becoming a check. This is the raise that takes the longest, 4000 hours. It's usually estimated to do it in 3 years, I did it a year and a half. So in other words, I have been working my ass off and I am tried. I am going to try to get a vacation in sometime soon. I have an Engagement Party to plan, and I am pretty much going to throw myself into it full force. Not only because L & D deserve to have a wonderful party, but because I need a really good distraction from baby stuff.
So that is all that is going on here. Like I said, there really isn't much to update. Work is going to be crazy for the next two weeks. So not looking forward to it.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Even The Positive Break Sometimes
Well, my Dr. appointment went really well. We have a plan. I received a referral for T which was what my main objective was. But she also told me to wait until after my fertility window. Which we are heading into. After that, I will go in for CD3 blood work, and ultrasound, and then if we can afford it we will go in for an HSG. I have to call the insurance company and see if the HSG is covered. I am not hopeful. If it isn't covered then it will be about 1000 dollars for both the SA and the HSG. That makes T a little uncomfortable.
Yesterday T called the his Dr. because his legs were hurting very bad, and there was some discoloration above his knee. The Dr. suspects that it could be a clot caused by his medication for his cholesterol. They want to see him at there office Saturday morning when they open at there urgent care center. And then a follow up appointment next Friday. He didn't ask the Dr. what he could do between now and then, if he should elevate or not. So needless to say, I had a mild breakdown at work yesterday.
I am exhausted. And I feel like nothing is going right. I am not one that is always negative, but sometimes being positive is just to strenuous. And I guess even the most positive people break. During my mild breakdown yesterday, I was on the phone with T, I told him that I didn't feel like things would ever go our way. I was tired of the odds being stacked against us. All I wanted was for things to go right. He told me not to count us out so early in the game. We can still get through this month and end up pregnant and not have to go through all of the testing. But, I don't want to hope, I don't want to get my hopes up just to go through all the emotions when I am not.
Yesterday T called the his Dr. because his legs were hurting very bad, and there was some discoloration above his knee. The Dr. suspects that it could be a clot caused by his medication for his cholesterol. They want to see him at there office Saturday morning when they open at there urgent care center. And then a follow up appointment next Friday. He didn't ask the Dr. what he could do between now and then, if he should elevate or not. So needless to say, I had a mild breakdown at work yesterday.
I am exhausted. And I feel like nothing is going right. I am not one that is always negative, but sometimes being positive is just to strenuous. And I guess even the most positive people break. During my mild breakdown yesterday, I was on the phone with T, I told him that I didn't feel like things would ever go our way. I was tired of the odds being stacked against us. All I wanted was for things to go right. He told me not to count us out so early in the game. We can still get through this month and end up pregnant and not have to go through all of the testing. But, I don't want to hope, I don't want to get my hopes up just to go through all the emotions when I am not.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
What Is There to be Afraid Of?
Ugh.... I don't know why I am so scared. I have my appointment on Wednesday, and I am scared. My anxiety is bad, I am nervous, and I feel silly. For being so scared.
For those of you that "know me", you know I have a bad memory. I have to write everything down, I write list for everything just to stay on track when I have a busy day. I get distracted easily, and if I don't focus, I get lost. So I have a list of questions to ask the Dr. And to make sure that things get done in the right order. This is the same Dr. that my friend and her bf used to get pregnant. I know, because she has told me, that things are done in the right order. I know that before she prescribes anything she will give me a referral for T to get a SA. I know that I will get my CD 3 blood work done and I will have an HSG done. I know that if she does prescribe anything then there will be ultrasounds to make sure that I have no cyst and that I have good follicles. I know all of this will happen, but I still have a list. And I am still scared.
T and I have never really had anything too easily. We have always had to fight for us. I am afraid this will be no different. I am afraid of unexplained infertility. I am afraid of IUI. I am afraid of IVF. But, I am more afraid of not knowing.
So I guess for now, I just sit here and wait. And try to stay busy. So I don't think about my appointment. Or about our future.
For those of you that "know me", you know I have a bad memory. I have to write everything down, I write list for everything just to stay on track when I have a busy day. I get distracted easily, and if I don't focus, I get lost. So I have a list of questions to ask the Dr. And to make sure that things get done in the right order. This is the same Dr. that my friend and her bf used to get pregnant. I know, because she has told me, that things are done in the right order. I know that before she prescribes anything she will give me a referral for T to get a SA. I know that I will get my CD 3 blood work done and I will have an HSG done. I know that if she does prescribe anything then there will be ultrasounds to make sure that I have no cyst and that I have good follicles. I know all of this will happen, but I still have a list. And I am still scared.
T and I have never really had anything too easily. We have always had to fight for us. I am afraid this will be no different. I am afraid of unexplained infertility. I am afraid of IUI. I am afraid of IVF. But, I am more afraid of not knowing.
So I guess for now, I just sit here and wait. And try to stay busy. So I don't think about my appointment. Or about our future.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Cycle 21.... Limbo
Well it looks like we won't be doing this the old fashioned way. AF showed up today, which makes this cycle 21. Ugh, cycle 21? What the hell? How the hell did we get here?
Not much is going on here, I am working like a mad woman. I am tired, and over worked, and seriously under paid. Work has been a monster. It's been crazy busy going into the summer season. I am still working in three departments, but I am sure once my raise kicks in I'll get pulled from Starbucks. Which makes me sad, I love it there. I am going to try to sweet talk management into letting me stay there at least once a week.
Besides work, there really isn't much else going on. I am hoping for some sort of answers next week. Even if it is just some sort of plan. But until then, I'm kinda in limbo. I don't like limbo. It sucks.
OH!! I am going to see A tomorrow. I am taking her a butterfly balloon, and a hula hoop! I am so excited to teach her to hula hoop. And in order to teach her to hula hoop, I have to buy myself a hula hoop!! I'm so excited!!
R's baby shower was this last weekend. It went really well, I was glad that I was able to share the day with her. I was really scared going to the shower, I wasn't sure how I would react. Thankfully T went with me since it was coed. He was a little uncomfortable at first, but after a little bit of time and a beer he loosened up. She got a lot of really nice stuff. I went over to her house yesterday to help her put some of the stuff together. I put her swing and bouncer together. And hooked up her monitor, and made sure that everything was secure. They moved her due date back to July 12th.
Not much is going on here, I am working like a mad woman. I am tired, and over worked, and seriously under paid. Work has been a monster. It's been crazy busy going into the summer season. I am still working in three departments, but I am sure once my raise kicks in I'll get pulled from Starbucks. Which makes me sad, I love it there. I am going to try to sweet talk management into letting me stay there at least once a week.
Besides work, there really isn't much else going on. I am hoping for some sort of answers next week. Even if it is just some sort of plan. But until then, I'm kinda in limbo. I don't like limbo. It sucks.
OH!! I am going to see A tomorrow. I am taking her a butterfly balloon, and a hula hoop! I am so excited to teach her to hula hoop. And in order to teach her to hula hoop, I have to buy myself a hula hoop!! I'm so excited!!
R's baby shower was this last weekend. It went really well, I was glad that I was able to share the day with her. I was really scared going to the shower, I wasn't sure how I would react. Thankfully T went with me since it was coed. He was a little uncomfortable at first, but after a little bit of time and a beer he loosened up. She got a lot of really nice stuff. I went over to her house yesterday to help her put some of the stuff together. I put her swing and bouncer together. And hooked up her monitor, and made sure that everything was secure. They moved her due date back to July 12th.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Look What I Can Do!!
Goodness it seems like it's been a long time since I have written. There isn't much going on in my world so I guess that may be why I hadn't written.
I am still hanging out with my friend R, they moved her due date up to July 7th. She told me that she would call me when she went into labor. Hopefully I will be able to get to her before she has her little boy. Her baby shower is this coming weekend. I am a little scared and a little nervous. Her mom and I haven't always gotten along, and I don't blame her for not liking me much. It is a co-ed shower, so T will be going with me, thankfully.
T and I are out this month. We had terrible timing, I wasn't much in the mood this month. I think I have thrown in the towel. I am ready for my Dr. appt. I am ready to get this show on the road. This month is weird. I am not sad that we are out. I am not upset this month. I don't think there will be any tears when I get AF. I just feel.... hmmm... I don't know how I feel. Maybe content is the word I am looking for. I just feel content.
I have been a busy girl lately. I have been working like a mad woman and trying very hard to make sure the house stays clean and T stays fed. Overall though, things are going well. I have been spending some time with L and helping her with whatever I can with the wedding plans. I have been trying to get up to see A, I think I will try this week at some point. Maybe we can meet somewhere in the middle this week. I don't feel like driving all the way up there. Who knows, I am sure I will change my mind.
I feel like I am missing out on so much with A. She has lost her two top teeth and she looks silly now. She says she can't whistle good anymore. She has her dance recital in a couple of weeks and I can't remember the last time I was so excited! I think she is going to do so well!! She is the cutest little girl ever!
Oh so as for the title of my post!!! L and I made our first wedding cake!!! It was beautiful!!! Both L and I are amazed that it turned out so well!!!
I am sure that we will most definitely be doing more wedding cakes in the near future!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Whoo Hoo!! I Did It!
Well not yet, but I will be... next month.
I finally made a OB-gyn appointment for me. I mean, its just a normal appointment, ya know, the one where I get felt up by a someone who has only been in the room for a few minutes. I'm not really excited about it, but at the same time I am, I just want to get some answers, and start moving forward. I am hoping that she will answer some questions for me, maybe do some blood work, and we can get a referral for T to go get checked out.
I'm ready for whatever this next step brings. I am terrified, but I am ready.
I finally made a OB-gyn appointment for me. I mean, its just a normal appointment, ya know, the one where I get felt up by a someone who has only been in the room for a few minutes. I'm not really excited about it, but at the same time I am, I just want to get some answers, and start moving forward. I am hoping that she will answer some questions for me, maybe do some blood work, and we can get a referral for T to go get checked out.
I'm ready for whatever this next step brings. I am terrified, but I am ready.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Feeling Silly
I have to admit, I feel kinda silly for being so nervous. I had lunch with R today, I don't know why I was so nervous. I didn't sleep well last night. I was afraid I would see her and cry, or that I would be jealous. Or that she would complain about how hard it is. But, she didn't. I didn't cry, and I wasn't jealous. We kinda picked up where we left off. On our way to lunch we got to talking about her pregnancy.
She started by telling me about how she was a step-mom to her boyfriends kids and then started wanting more. Her and her boyfriend decided that they wanted to try to start a family of there own. After trying for a few months and being 35 they decided that it was time to go to the Dr. Long story short, a lot of injections, medicated cycles, 2 successes and then 2 losses, she gave up. They gave up, they gave up on each other, and started moving forward without each other. Then one crazy night at the bar they got drunk, had sex and she got pregnant. After the first couple of months of trying to make it work with him, she decided to go it alone, and move home. Needless to say, I was shocked. Never in my mind did I think that she would have gone through what I am going through. Never in my mind did I think that she would understand. Never in my mind did I think she would take my hand, look me in the eyes and tell me how sincerely sorry she was that I was going through this.
I am glad that I went today, and that we sat and talked. I am glad that we picked up where we seemed to have left off. I know that she is going to be a good mom and she knows that I am going to be there for her and her little boy. A little boy that I am so excited to meet now.
She started by telling me about how she was a step-mom to her boyfriends kids and then started wanting more. Her and her boyfriend decided that they wanted to try to start a family of there own. After trying for a few months and being 35 they decided that it was time to go to the Dr. Long story short, a lot of injections, medicated cycles, 2 successes and then 2 losses, she gave up. They gave up, they gave up on each other, and started moving forward without each other. Then one crazy night at the bar they got drunk, had sex and she got pregnant. After the first couple of months of trying to make it work with him, she decided to go it alone, and move home. Needless to say, I was shocked. Never in my mind did I think that she would have gone through what I am going through. Never in my mind did I think that she would understand. Never in my mind did I think she would take my hand, look me in the eyes and tell me how sincerely sorry she was that I was going through this.
I am glad that I went today, and that we sat and talked. I am glad that we picked up where we seemed to have left off. I know that she is going to be a good mom and she knows that I am going to be there for her and her little boy. A little boy that I am so excited to meet now.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Just A Bunch Of Randomness
Ugh.... CD 1.... EFF YOU!!!
I knew it was coming... I was prepared for it. I had my emotional crap day earlier in the week, when I took my frustration out on everyone in the world. I am very much aware of the fact that it's no ones fault, but you know what, I was pretty sure that at that point in time, their body was cooperating more then mine was.
Tomorrow I am going to go see a good friend of mine that is 8 months pregnant. I am not going to lie, I am nervous as hell. I don't think it will go bad, I am almost certain that we are going to talk a lot. I know we have a lot of catching up to do. I know she is going to ask me about kids and why we don't have any yet. And I know I have a lot of question for her too. Before, our conversations were always about our craziness in our twenties. I really don't think that is going to any of our topics.
On a good note, we received a nice little gift from T's mom. I have only met her twice, on both occasions I have spent a few days with her. T asked me to marry him without me meeting her. So when I met her I was worried that she wouldn't like me much. I am loud, and not nearly as politically correct as I am sure she would have liked him to end up with. But anyways, back to our little gift, we received a check from her for T to go get tested. We knew that she was sending something we just didn't know what exactly it was. I never would have thought that she would help us. I guess she doesn't mind that I am loud, or politically incorrect. I am glad. She is a wonderful lady and I wish we lived closer.
So yea, I don't really know where we go from here. I know that T needs to get a referral, either from my Dr. or from his. I know that I need to find me an OB-GYN and go get some of the normal testing done. I need to get blood work done and talk to a Dr. about us trying. I am scared as hell to get tested, but I need some sort of answers. This constant hamster wheel is going to kill me. I think we are going to try one more month, and then he will get tested. I know he has to go to a follow up appointment in a month or so, so that may be a good opportunity for him to talk to his Dr.
So that's about all that is going on..... nothing really. Same shit different month I guess.
I knew it was coming... I was prepared for it. I had my emotional crap day earlier in the week, when I took my frustration out on everyone in the world. I am very much aware of the fact that it's no ones fault, but you know what, I was pretty sure that at that point in time, their body was cooperating more then mine was.
Tomorrow I am going to go see a good friend of mine that is 8 months pregnant. I am not going to lie, I am nervous as hell. I don't think it will go bad, I am almost certain that we are going to talk a lot. I know we have a lot of catching up to do. I know she is going to ask me about kids and why we don't have any yet. And I know I have a lot of question for her too. Before, our conversations were always about our craziness in our twenties. I really don't think that is going to any of our topics.
On a good note, we received a nice little gift from T's mom. I have only met her twice, on both occasions I have spent a few days with her. T asked me to marry him without me meeting her. So when I met her I was worried that she wouldn't like me much. I am loud, and not nearly as politically correct as I am sure she would have liked him to end up with. But anyways, back to our little gift, we received a check from her for T to go get tested. We knew that she was sending something we just didn't know what exactly it was. I never would have thought that she would help us. I guess she doesn't mind that I am loud, or politically incorrect. I am glad. She is a wonderful lady and I wish we lived closer.
So yea, I don't really know where we go from here. I know that T needs to get a referral, either from my Dr. or from his. I know that I need to find me an OB-GYN and go get some of the normal testing done. I need to get blood work done and talk to a Dr. about us trying. I am scared as hell to get tested, but I need some sort of answers. This constant hamster wheel is going to kill me. I think we are going to try one more month, and then he will get tested. I know he has to go to a follow up appointment in a month or so, so that may be a good opportunity for him to talk to his Dr.
So that's about all that is going on..... nothing really. Same shit different month I guess.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Oh So Excited!!!!
L'S ENGAGED!!! MY BFF IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!
D proposed Saturday morning and I found Saturday afternoon!!! Her ring is GORGEOUS!!! I can not wait to start planning! So much for not having nothing to distract me huh?? I'm so outrageously excited!!!
That's all I've got right now!!!
D proposed Saturday morning and I found Saturday afternoon!!! Her ring is GORGEOUS!!! I can not wait to start planning! So much for not having nothing to distract me huh?? I'm so outrageously excited!!!
That's all I've got right now!!!
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Lots of Jibber Jabber
TA-DAH!!!!!!!!!!!
I made it through the chaos in one piece.
I don't really have much to say. I have no idea where I am in my cycle. I know that I am in my FW, I just don't know anything. I feel frustrated this month. I have nothing to focus on except baby stuff. So now here I am, not looking for a house, no longer planning a Birthday party, feeling frustrated because I don't have anything to focus on. Except of course having a freaking baby, or in my case not having a freaking baby! So now here I am.... going around in circles again.
I had a terrible dream the other night. I dreamt that I was in a room full of new moms. Except I was the only one with out a new baby. They kept handing me their new babies, and telling me how wonderful it was to be a mom. I was crying and telling them that I couldn't take anymore, but more babies kept on coming. I know it was just a dream, but it put me in a funk for the rest of the day. I woke up feeling lost and alone, and I hate that feeling. Because I know better. I know for sure that I am not lost, and I am damned certain that I am not alone.
My friend from way back invited me to her baby shower. I haven't talked to her in ages. We used to hang out all the time close down the bar and then go hiking. We would go hiking in our crazy outfits from that night. Most of the time we were in our heels and drunk as hell, how we didn't kill ourselves or anyone else, is amazing to me. I had the best times with her. Anyways, we lost touch for a couple of years when she moved away. And then she came back and we got together for a couple of dinners but then lost track of each other again. I knew that she was pregnant, but I didn't know that she had moved back into town until she shot me a text a few months ago. But since my work schedule has been an ass I haven't been able to sit down with her and talk. She invited both T and I to her shower, and I think I will go, I am not to sure if T will go, but I will go. I am going to try to get together with her before hand. I want to catch up with her and stuff without the prying ears of her family.
Gah! Speaking of my work schedule, I am seriously not to happy right now. T has the next week off at work and guess who is working her ass off?!?! That would be me!!! I am working 6 days, all nights and all long days. I have one day off next week and its at the beginning of T vacation. So I guess we will just have to make the best of our day together! I can't complain to much because I do get to sleep in with him. And that doesn't happen to often. So I guess I will take what I can get! But I am pretty sure that my nights of working late are coming to an end soon. I miss my husband. I don't see him as often as I should. But, I suppose this is just one more step to owning a house, and one more step to getting my next raise. So I will take what I can get I guess.
I made it through the chaos in one piece.
I don't really have much to say. I have no idea where I am in my cycle. I know that I am in my FW, I just don't know anything. I feel frustrated this month. I have nothing to focus on except baby stuff. So now here I am, not looking for a house, no longer planning a Birthday party, feeling frustrated because I don't have anything to focus on. Except of course having a freaking baby, or in my case not having a freaking baby! So now here I am.... going around in circles again.
I had a terrible dream the other night. I dreamt that I was in a room full of new moms. Except I was the only one with out a new baby. They kept handing me their new babies, and telling me how wonderful it was to be a mom. I was crying and telling them that I couldn't take anymore, but more babies kept on coming. I know it was just a dream, but it put me in a funk for the rest of the day. I woke up feeling lost and alone, and I hate that feeling. Because I know better. I know for sure that I am not lost, and I am damned certain that I am not alone.
My friend from way back invited me to her baby shower. I haven't talked to her in ages. We used to hang out all the time close down the bar and then go hiking. We would go hiking in our crazy outfits from that night. Most of the time we were in our heels and drunk as hell, how we didn't kill ourselves or anyone else, is amazing to me. I had the best times with her. Anyways, we lost touch for a couple of years when she moved away. And then she came back and we got together for a couple of dinners but then lost track of each other again. I knew that she was pregnant, but I didn't know that she had moved back into town until she shot me a text a few months ago. But since my work schedule has been an ass I haven't been able to sit down with her and talk. She invited both T and I to her shower, and I think I will go, I am not to sure if T will go, but I will go. I am going to try to get together with her before hand. I want to catch up with her and stuff without the prying ears of her family.
Gah! Speaking of my work schedule, I am seriously not to happy right now. T has the next week off at work and guess who is working her ass off?!?! That would be me!!! I am working 6 days, all nights and all long days. I have one day off next week and its at the beginning of T vacation. So I guess we will just have to make the best of our day together! I can't complain to much because I do get to sleep in with him. And that doesn't happen to often. So I guess I will take what I can get! But I am pretty sure that my nights of working late are coming to an end soon. I miss my husband. I don't see him as often as I should. But, I suppose this is just one more step to owning a house, and one more step to getting my next raise. So I will take what I can get I guess.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Still Running In Circles
ugh cycle 16 or 17.... I don't freakin know.
At some point or another I have lost track. We have tried some months and then not others and to be completely honest, I can't remember what months we tried and what months we didn't. I try to keep track with fertility friend but, I get so frustrated. We are still "not trying." We will probably be on this road for a couple more months. I do have to admit that its been nice to not really think about it. We went out with L and D last weekend and had a wonderful time. L said that it was a nice change of pace for us not to be arguing and bickering at all. She said that she saw a side of T and I that she hadn't seen in a while. So we will keep pushing forward on this path for a bit and see where it goes. And then if we are still not pregnant by the time T has his follow up appointment for his meds then we will discuss a SA with his Dr.
L's Dirty 30 Colorama Bowling Party is this coming weekend. I am so super excited and can't wait to see everyone. I just have to get through this next week and then its party like a rock star!!! I work Sunday thru Thursday and then I am off for 3 days. Friday I am baking cupcakes and getting pedicures with the girls! Saturday I am frosting cupcakes and getting ready for the party. Since L is the only one of us girls that was born in the 80's, we decided that this party was going to be 80's theme. Which means leg warmers, stretch pants, big bangs, fluorescent colors, and craziness.
I think I am going to start baking. I am going to start small with cupcakes. I am making cupcakes for L's birthday. I did a run through on the recipe that I have and made sure that I could pipe frosting. I went to the craft store and actually purchased piping bags and a tip. So I made funfetti cupcakes with pink frosting. They are freakin fantastically yummy. I used box cake but I added some stuff to it to make it taste like home made cake. I'll have pictures of the ones from this next weekend. I don't have any good ones from this last go! I have started pinning cupcake recipes that if I get the go ahead from T I will start baking cupcakes soon!
We have put house hunting on hold for a little bit. Probably till the end of June. I have made T promise that if we get pregnant before then that we will still continue to find us a home. I don't want to bring a baby back to this house. I don't like the fact that every week its a different thing wrong. Last week T pulled the screen door of its hinges. Which at the time I thought was remarkably funny. But he was for sure not laughing at all!!! I am still looking at homes, but I know that we can't buy anything anytime soon. But it is still nice to look and to see what is out there.
I guess that is all that is going on with us. This post took 3 days to write. Which I guess means I didn't really have nearly as much to say as I thought I did.
At some point or another I have lost track. We have tried some months and then not others and to be completely honest, I can't remember what months we tried and what months we didn't. I try to keep track with fertility friend but, I get so frustrated. We are still "not trying." We will probably be on this road for a couple more months. I do have to admit that its been nice to not really think about it. We went out with L and D last weekend and had a wonderful time. L said that it was a nice change of pace for us not to be arguing and bickering at all. She said that she saw a side of T and I that she hadn't seen in a while. So we will keep pushing forward on this path for a bit and see where it goes. And then if we are still not pregnant by the time T has his follow up appointment for his meds then we will discuss a SA with his Dr.
L's Dirty 30 Colorama Bowling Party is this coming weekend. I am so super excited and can't wait to see everyone. I just have to get through this next week and then its party like a rock star!!! I work Sunday thru Thursday and then I am off for 3 days. Friday I am baking cupcakes and getting pedicures with the girls! Saturday I am frosting cupcakes and getting ready for the party. Since L is the only one of us girls that was born in the 80's, we decided that this party was going to be 80's theme. Which means leg warmers, stretch pants, big bangs, fluorescent colors, and craziness.
I think I am going to start baking. I am going to start small with cupcakes. I am making cupcakes for L's birthday. I did a run through on the recipe that I have and made sure that I could pipe frosting. I went to the craft store and actually purchased piping bags and a tip. So I made funfetti cupcakes with pink frosting. They are freakin fantastically yummy. I used box cake but I added some stuff to it to make it taste like home made cake. I'll have pictures of the ones from this next weekend. I don't have any good ones from this last go! I have started pinning cupcake recipes that if I get the go ahead from T I will start baking cupcakes soon!
We have put house hunting on hold for a little bit. Probably till the end of June. I have made T promise that if we get pregnant before then that we will still continue to find us a home. I don't want to bring a baby back to this house. I don't like the fact that every week its a different thing wrong. Last week T pulled the screen door of its hinges. Which at the time I thought was remarkably funny. But he was for sure not laughing at all!!! I am still looking at homes, but I know that we can't buy anything anytime soon. But it is still nice to look and to see what is out there.
I guess that is all that is going on with us. This post took 3 days to write. Which I guess means I didn't really have nearly as much to say as I thought I did.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
This Is Going to Be Quick.....
.....And Short!
We are alive! We have had some hiccups the last couple weeks, but we are alive!
I am awaiting the arrival of AF, if she isn't here tomorrow morning then I will be POAS, knowing full well that it will most likely be negative.
We are praying for all of those that are in or around Boston. Those who have been injured or have loved ones that have been injured and those who have been killed in this horrific act. It scares me to death, and it makes my heart extremely heavy. I am sure those responsible will be held accountable. I am reminded that I really need to stop, and smell the roses. To tell my loved ones that they are in fact, loved.
God Bless.
We are alive! We have had some hiccups the last couple weeks, but we are alive!
I am awaiting the arrival of AF, if she isn't here tomorrow morning then I will be POAS, knowing full well that it will most likely be negative.
We are praying for all of those that are in or around Boston. Those who have been injured or have loved ones that have been injured and those who have been killed in this horrific act. It scares me to death, and it makes my heart extremely heavy. I am sure those responsible will be held accountable. I am reminded that I really need to stop, and smell the roses. To tell my loved ones that they are in fact, loved.
God Bless.
Monday, April 1, 2013
So Much Is Going On
Holy Crap things are crazy!
There is so much crazy going on here, that I am not sure what which way is up anymore. I have been working like a crazy lady. Trying to keep everything going forward. In the mean time, whoa is there a lot going on in this house! Speaking of houses.....
WE GOT PRE-APPROVED FOR A HOUSE LOAN!!!!!
We start looking for a house in about a month or so, we have to save a little bit of money, but not nearly as much as if we needed to have a down. I am so outrageously excited to have a house with walls that I can paint. And carpet I can rip up, and walls I can tear down, and fences I can build, and gardens I can grow. I am just can't wait. I am in charge of talking to the realtor and finding a place. T was in charge of the money, and talking to the gal about how much we could be pre-qualified for. Now we wait, and we pack our patience, because I don't want just some piece of crap house that I have to rebuild from the ground up. I want a house that we can grow into, and be proud of. I want us to have a house that is safe for us, so when we do finally have a baby, I don't have to be worried that the house is going to fall apart around us.
In other news.... baby news.... we are around O, I think. I haven't peed on anything. I am in the process of going crazy! Not using OPK's is going to drive me absolutely crazy! I am sure that I am going to O at anytime now. Either tomorrow or Wednesday. Hopefully we can get another get another really good sexy time in either tomorrow or Wednesday. If we get pregnant this cycle then we will be due at or around Christmas. Which should be interesting, to say the least. I am going to try really hard not to get my hopes up to high this cycle. But I know that by the 11th or 12th I will be going absolutely crazy! I do have to admit though, this month hasn't been nearly as stressful as other months, and I don't know if that is because I have been preoccupied with the house hunting or if that is because I haven't been peeing on things.
I also got my hair cut today, and I LOVE it!!! its super duper cute, and it's going to be really nice for the summer. It short but not to short, and will be nice when I want something different, or when I don't want to put my hair in a ponytail. And now that I am thinking about it, I don't think I can actually put it back in a pony tail. But anyways, I have bangs, I haven't actually had actual bangs in years, or decades, its been since either the late 90's or early 00's. Man, what was I thinking. LOL.
That is about all that is going on. Work has been a bear, and I am absolutely hating it! I am being pulled into all sorts of directions. But I am getting my hours, and I am getting a house soon. In the end I guess it will all be worth it. I should be getting my next raise in a couple months, and then hopefully I will get more after that.
There is so much crazy going on here, that I am not sure what which way is up anymore. I have been working like a crazy lady. Trying to keep everything going forward. In the mean time, whoa is there a lot going on in this house! Speaking of houses.....
WE GOT PRE-APPROVED FOR A HOUSE LOAN!!!!!
We start looking for a house in about a month or so, we have to save a little bit of money, but not nearly as much as if we needed to have a down. I am so outrageously excited to have a house with walls that I can paint. And carpet I can rip up, and walls I can tear down, and fences I can build, and gardens I can grow. I am just can't wait. I am in charge of talking to the realtor and finding a place. T was in charge of the money, and talking to the gal about how much we could be pre-qualified for. Now we wait, and we pack our patience, because I don't want just some piece of crap house that I have to rebuild from the ground up. I want a house that we can grow into, and be proud of. I want us to have a house that is safe for us, so when we do finally have a baby, I don't have to be worried that the house is going to fall apart around us.
In other news.... baby news.... we are around O, I think. I haven't peed on anything. I am in the process of going crazy! Not using OPK's is going to drive me absolutely crazy! I am sure that I am going to O at anytime now. Either tomorrow or Wednesday. Hopefully we can get another get another really good sexy time in either tomorrow or Wednesday. If we get pregnant this cycle then we will be due at or around Christmas. Which should be interesting, to say the least. I am going to try really hard not to get my hopes up to high this cycle. But I know that by the 11th or 12th I will be going absolutely crazy! I do have to admit though, this month hasn't been nearly as stressful as other months, and I don't know if that is because I have been preoccupied with the house hunting or if that is because I haven't been peeing on things.
I also got my hair cut today, and I LOVE it!!! its super duper cute, and it's going to be really nice for the summer. It short but not to short, and will be nice when I want something different, or when I don't want to put my hair in a ponytail. And now that I am thinking about it, I don't think I can actually put it back in a pony tail. But anyways, I have bangs, I haven't actually had actual bangs in years, or decades, its been since either the late 90's or early 00's. Man, what was I thinking. LOL.
That is about all that is going on. Work has been a bear, and I am absolutely hating it! I am being pulled into all sorts of directions. But I am getting my hours, and I am getting a house soon. In the end I guess it will all be worth it. I should be getting my next raise in a couple months, and then hopefully I will get more after that.
Friday, March 22, 2013
I've Been a Bad Blogger!
Ugh! How crazy I have been!!
That and I haven't really had much to say!
I have been working a lot lately, and sleeping a lot.
I did however, finish up with ALL of my dental work. I had a dentist appointment on Tuesday to finish my fillings. They gave me a different sedation medicine which worked really well! I was super sleepy, but not anxious at all. They ended up filling a total of 7 cavities. 6 old ones and 1 new one. Next up is the doctor.
I have been slacking on my blog challenges, I have missed two. So I will be doing those this weekend. Hopefully I have some down time this weekend to do them. Probably not until Sunday. I only work for 4 hours on Sunday, and should be able to do them then. For some reason, I have just been busier then normal. Next week will for sure be much busier then this week, working 6 days next week. Yay!
Anyways, on the TTC/TTA home front. I am on CD 3 here. I have had T hide my OPK's from me, so that I won't be tempted to pee on them this month. I don't want to not try, but I don't want to really try hard, like we have been. I guess we will see what the next couple months brings us. Luckily I know enough about my body to know when I am O'ing. That, and I think we are just going to have lots of sex this month! Yay!
That and I haven't really had much to say!
I have been working a lot lately, and sleeping a lot.
I did however, finish up with ALL of my dental work. I had a dentist appointment on Tuesday to finish my fillings. They gave me a different sedation medicine which worked really well! I was super sleepy, but not anxious at all. They ended up filling a total of 7 cavities. 6 old ones and 1 new one. Next up is the doctor.
I have been slacking on my blog challenges, I have missed two. So I will be doing those this weekend. Hopefully I have some down time this weekend to do them. Probably not until Sunday. I only work for 4 hours on Sunday, and should be able to do them then. For some reason, I have just been busier then normal. Next week will for sure be much busier then this week, working 6 days next week. Yay!
Anyways, on the TTC/TTA home front. I am on CD 3 here. I have had T hide my OPK's from me, so that I won't be tempted to pee on them this month. I don't want to not try, but I don't want to really try hard, like we have been. I guess we will see what the next couple months brings us. Luckily I know enough about my body to know when I am O'ing. That, and I think we are just going to have lots of sex this month! Yay!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Been Crazy Busy....
.... And it's only going to get busier.
Looks like we will be either looking for an apartment, or looking for a house. I would much rather try to get into a house and I am going to try to convince T. But, I think we are going to end up in an apartment for a least 6 months. Which, unfortunately, means I have to go through all our stuff and try to week out the stuff we don't use or need. I have a friend who just bought a house, not too long ago. And I think we are going to talk to her to see what all she had to do and what we will have to do.
This weekend was crazy busy. T and I took some time off from work. We spent the whole weekend together and got to spend some time out side on Saturday. It was beautiful. We got to play a little bit of golf and spent some time at the lake there. It was just such a beautiful day. Sunny but not too warm.
Not much is going on here. T turned 40 yesterday. We went out to dinner Sunday with a bunch of friends. It was a lot of fun. We went to the local Mexican place here in town. I asked them if they had a sombrero for T to wear while they sang him happy birthday. It was pretty damned funny. Now all I can think of is "Happy Birthday, Cha Cha Cha!" Freakin funny.
As far as the TTA/TTC front. Nothing new here. I think we are just going to see what happens. I have however, been going to the gym and been trying very hard to eat better. T and I went for a long walk this last week. T doesn't seem to be as motivated as me. T does have his follow up Dr. appointment next week for his high blood pressure. I have a list of things for him to talk to his Dr. about.
I also have a dentist appointment next week. Tuesday... really not too excited about that. they are filling the fillings in my front teeth. They are giving me a different anxiety medicine then usual. I am really nervous about it. I don't know how I am going to react to it. I downloaded new music on my iPod so I will have new stuff to listen too.... ugh... I hate the dentist so much. I just want to get this over with and done. I think they are going to try to get it all done at once so I don't have to deal with it again. They know that we are TTC so I think they want to get it over with too. And you know the sooner its done the better, then I won't have to go again until September or so. If they are lucky... no, just kidding, I'll go back sooner this time, I swear.
Looks like we will be either looking for an apartment, or looking for a house. I would much rather try to get into a house and I am going to try to convince T. But, I think we are going to end up in an apartment for a least 6 months. Which, unfortunately, means I have to go through all our stuff and try to week out the stuff we don't use or need. I have a friend who just bought a house, not too long ago. And I think we are going to talk to her to see what all she had to do and what we will have to do.
This weekend was crazy busy. T and I took some time off from work. We spent the whole weekend together and got to spend some time out side on Saturday. It was beautiful. We got to play a little bit of golf and spent some time at the lake there. It was just such a beautiful day. Sunny but not too warm.
Not much is going on here. T turned 40 yesterday. We went out to dinner Sunday with a bunch of friends. It was a lot of fun. We went to the local Mexican place here in town. I asked them if they had a sombrero for T to wear while they sang him happy birthday. It was pretty damned funny. Now all I can think of is "Happy Birthday, Cha Cha Cha!" Freakin funny.
As far as the TTA/TTC front. Nothing new here. I think we are just going to see what happens. I have however, been going to the gym and been trying very hard to eat better. T and I went for a long walk this last week. T doesn't seem to be as motivated as me. T does have his follow up Dr. appointment next week for his high blood pressure. I have a list of things for him to talk to his Dr. about.
I also have a dentist appointment next week. Tuesday... really not too excited about that. they are filling the fillings in my front teeth. They are giving me a different anxiety medicine then usual. I am really nervous about it. I don't know how I am going to react to it. I downloaded new music on my iPod so I will have new stuff to listen too.... ugh... I hate the dentist so much. I just want to get this over with and done. I think they are going to try to get it all done at once so I don't have to deal with it again. They know that we are TTC so I think they want to get it over with too. And you know the sooner its done the better, then I won't have to go again until September or so. If they are lucky... no, just kidding, I'll go back sooner this time, I swear.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Blog Challenge - Best/Positive Childhood Memory
This one is a little hard for me. Not because there aren't many, but because there are too many to pick from. Not to make it sounds like I had a wonderful childhood, because some if not most parts were pretty awful. But the good parts, the parts that made me who I am, they definitely out shine the bad parts.
So the best, most positive memory I have revolves around one little quiet town. I spent a lot of summers there and grew into the person that I am today.
Every summer, my sister and I would get shipped to my grandparents house in the mountains above Hoodsport, WA. And by few weeks, I mean usually from late June to early September. And by mountains, I mean literally the mountains. We would get up there and we would be let loose into the woods to climb trees, look for bugs and berries, make paint out of rotten wood and try not to get eaten by wildlife. This was back in the 80's where we didn't have to worry about locking our doors at night, let alone getting kidnapped. The only thing we had to worry about was literally the wildlife. There was one rule, when you were called to come in, you came running.
We learned how to fish and about wild life, and how to use it. We learned what we could eat and couldn't, and how to track animals. But the best part was we learned how to golf. My grandfather, is, well I guess, was, one of the best golfers I have ever known. He always had patience when teaching us. He always knew he needed to carry extra golf balls in his pockets, because at some point, we would put our ball in the woods, or the lake, or through a window (I swear that only happened once). I don't know how many golf balls I lost in that damn lake though.
A few weeks into our summer, our cousin would show up. She was the same age as my sister, but even with the 4 year age difference, they never made me feel like I was in the way. My sister and I were the tomboys. My cousin on the other hand, was always dressed in some sort of dress. The three of us were inseparable. My grandma would send us out to pick blue berries for pancakes. We would come back with a half a bowl of berries, a full stomach and purple fingers. She would always laugh at us, and our purple fingers.
Eventually we grew up, the summers dwindled down to just a couple weeks, then to a week, and then not at all. We grew up and the house got sold. All of those memories were packed into boxes, and put away. My grandparents needed to be somewhere closer to the doctors and the hospital. And somewhere, where they couldn't get snowed in. And somewhere that didn't take a helicopter to get them out if something went wrong, or someone got sick and need a hospital immediately.
But I will always remember waking up in the morning, to the sounds of bacon cooking, Johnny Cash on the tape player, and my grandma whistling in the kitchen. The love that is shared between my grandmother and grandfather paved the path that lead me to my husband. When I was growing up I wasn't basing the picture of my husband off of my father, but off of my grandfather. My first born will be named after my grandfather, not my father. The love between them is a good, strong love. It's the kind of love that is written about.
I have more memories of that quiet little town in the mountains. But I don't want to turn this into a book.
So the best, most positive memory I have revolves around one little quiet town. I spent a lot of summers there and grew into the person that I am today.
Every summer, my sister and I would get shipped to my grandparents house in the mountains above Hoodsport, WA. And by few weeks, I mean usually from late June to early September. And by mountains, I mean literally the mountains. We would get up there and we would be let loose into the woods to climb trees, look for bugs and berries, make paint out of rotten wood and try not to get eaten by wildlife. This was back in the 80's where we didn't have to worry about locking our doors at night, let alone getting kidnapped. The only thing we had to worry about was literally the wildlife. There was one rule, when you were called to come in, you came running.
We learned how to fish and about wild life, and how to use it. We learned what we could eat and couldn't, and how to track animals. But the best part was we learned how to golf. My grandfather, is, well I guess, was, one of the best golfers I have ever known. He always had patience when teaching us. He always knew he needed to carry extra golf balls in his pockets, because at some point, we would put our ball in the woods, or the lake, or through a window (I swear that only happened once). I don't know how many golf balls I lost in that damn lake though.
A few weeks into our summer, our cousin would show up. She was the same age as my sister, but even with the 4 year age difference, they never made me feel like I was in the way. My sister and I were the tomboys. My cousin on the other hand, was always dressed in some sort of dress. The three of us were inseparable. My grandma would send us out to pick blue berries for pancakes. We would come back with a half a bowl of berries, a full stomach and purple fingers. She would always laugh at us, and our purple fingers.
Eventually we grew up, the summers dwindled down to just a couple weeks, then to a week, and then not at all. We grew up and the house got sold. All of those memories were packed into boxes, and put away. My grandparents needed to be somewhere closer to the doctors and the hospital. And somewhere, where they couldn't get snowed in. And somewhere that didn't take a helicopter to get them out if something went wrong, or someone got sick and need a hospital immediately.
But I will always remember waking up in the morning, to the sounds of bacon cooking, Johnny Cash on the tape player, and my grandma whistling in the kitchen. The love that is shared between my grandmother and grandfather paved the path that lead me to my husband. When I was growing up I wasn't basing the picture of my husband off of my father, but off of my grandfather. My first born will be named after my grandfather, not my father. The love between them is a good, strong love. It's the kind of love that is written about.
I have more memories of that quiet little town in the mountains. But I don't want to turn this into a book.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Not TTC, Not TTA
Well, this weeks has pretty much sucked ass. I have been a huge emotional mess. I have been crying off and on all week. Two days ago, T and I couldn't get in the mood. I was frustrated with my OPK's I couldn't get a matching line, but all other signs were pointing to O. So I started crying. I was just wanting T to listen to me. I wasn't asking him to fix the problem, I just wanted him to hear me. It was definitely not one of his finer moments. He told me I had a tendency to over react. Which to me, sounded like he was telling me I was over reacting. So I walked away before I said something hurtful.
Yesterday was a long day. I worked a long day, and was supposed to come home and try again. All I wanted to do was have a glass of wine, and relax. T asked to talk for a little bit, and I got what I needed to say out. Basically, we decided that it was better for us to not try anymore, and to get healthy. And to focus on our health and getting back into shape. I didn't realize that I was starting to blame, and recent him. I don't want to do that. I don't want to start a family like that. When we get pregnant, I don't want to feel relief, I want to be excited.
I told T that I felt like we weren't trying hard enough. We kept talking about being healthy, and doing this and that. But we weren't taking the initiative to actually do it. We kept saying we were going to go to the gym but we wouldn't go. Or saying that we were going to eat smaller portions and not. Or we were going to have sex more then once or twice, and then not. I felt like I was literally on a hamster wheel, going absolutely nowhere.
So that is where we are at now. We are going to just see what happens, and focus on us. We are going to start working out, and eating healthy. I went to the gym today, and walked two miles. I was surprised that it didn't take that long and I didn't feel like I really had to work for it. I am going to try to keep going to the gym, and hopefully T and I will start seeing some results soon.
I have a huge weekend planned for T's birthday. I am excited to have the weekend off with him, and an extra day to snuggle. T turns 40 on Monday, so there will be a small celebration on Sunday for him. He isn't to excited about it, but it is just a small group of us married friends. Saturday I have a huge day planned for him. We are going to go golfing, and hiking. I am sure he won't be to pleased with the hiking part, but the golfing will be good for us. I am taking him back to the small town I grew up in. As much as I think it will be good for us to get out into the fresh air a little. I want to go back and see my childhood home. And show him that at one point in my life, I could get dirty!
Yesterday was a long day. I worked a long day, and was supposed to come home and try again. All I wanted to do was have a glass of wine, and relax. T asked to talk for a little bit, and I got what I needed to say out. Basically, we decided that it was better for us to not try anymore, and to get healthy. And to focus on our health and getting back into shape. I didn't realize that I was starting to blame, and recent him. I don't want to do that. I don't want to start a family like that. When we get pregnant, I don't want to feel relief, I want to be excited.
I told T that I felt like we weren't trying hard enough. We kept talking about being healthy, and doing this and that. But we weren't taking the initiative to actually do it. We kept saying we were going to go to the gym but we wouldn't go. Or saying that we were going to eat smaller portions and not. Or we were going to have sex more then once or twice, and then not. I felt like I was literally on a hamster wheel, going absolutely nowhere.
So that is where we are at now. We are going to just see what happens, and focus on us. We are going to start working out, and eating healthy. I went to the gym today, and walked two miles. I was surprised that it didn't take that long and I didn't feel like I really had to work for it. I am going to try to keep going to the gym, and hopefully T and I will start seeing some results soon.
I have a huge weekend planned for T's birthday. I am excited to have the weekend off with him, and an extra day to snuggle. T turns 40 on Monday, so there will be a small celebration on Sunday for him. He isn't to excited about it, but it is just a small group of us married friends. Saturday I have a huge day planned for him. We are going to go golfing, and hiking. I am sure he won't be to pleased with the hiking part, but the golfing will be good for us. I am taking him back to the small town I grew up in. As much as I think it will be good for us to get out into the fresh air a little. I want to go back and see my childhood home. And show him that at one point in my life, I could get dirty!
Monday, March 4, 2013
Damn It!!!
CD 11 - Am I going crazy?!?!
I feel like I am. I feel like I am on a hamster wheel... going absolutely effin NO WHERE!!!
I feel like we aren't trying hard enough, like I could be doing more. I should be temping, we should be going to the gym, we should be eating better, but you know what? We don't! And damn it it's pissing me off!!! T has high blood pressure, and sometimes it makes things... difficult, but do you think we have tried to fix it? No. We only usually get one day in during my FW, but do you think we have tried to make more time? No. If we can't put forth the effort to create a family, the what the hell are we doing? Why the hell are we here? Why have we put us through this?!? Why the hell can't we get it right?!? Damn it!!
I don't know how much longer I can do this... I feel like maybe we should stop and fix T's health, and really get things on track. But, what if that takes a year? T is going to be 40 in a week. What if he decides that 40 is too old? What if.... what if.... what if we don't make it through this? I have never once doubted us, why am I doing it now. I think we need to stop. I think we need to get healthy. I'm so scared to stop. I am so scared to quit. But, I'm so scared to keep going. I'm scared I am either A: going to loose my mind, or B: I'm going to loose my husband.
I have always gotten clear lines on my OPK's, but these last few months, I haven't. That isn't making this any better. And now that I am not getting any clear OPK's, I think I missed this month. And after the fight we had, I don't really feel like even trying.
I feel like I am. I feel like I am on a hamster wheel... going absolutely effin NO WHERE!!!
I feel like we aren't trying hard enough, like I could be doing more. I should be temping, we should be going to the gym, we should be eating better, but you know what? We don't! And damn it it's pissing me off!!! T has high blood pressure, and sometimes it makes things... difficult, but do you think we have tried to fix it? No. We only usually get one day in during my FW, but do you think we have tried to make more time? No. If we can't put forth the effort to create a family, the what the hell are we doing? Why the hell are we here? Why have we put us through this?!? Why the hell can't we get it right?!? Damn it!!
I don't know how much longer I can do this... I feel like maybe we should stop and fix T's health, and really get things on track. But, what if that takes a year? T is going to be 40 in a week. What if he decides that 40 is too old? What if.... what if.... what if we don't make it through this? I have never once doubted us, why am I doing it now. I think we need to stop. I think we need to get healthy. I'm so scared to stop. I am so scared to quit. But, I'm so scared to keep going. I'm scared I am either A: going to loose my mind, or B: I'm going to loose my husband.
I have always gotten clear lines on my OPK's, but these last few months, I haven't. That isn't making this any better. And now that I am not getting any clear OPK's, I think I missed this month. And after the fight we had, I don't really feel like even trying.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Just a Couple Things!
Just a few things that I wanted to share!
~ I have followers! I am so excited for this! Thank you ladies for following me. When I started blogging at the beginning of the year, it was just so I could literally empty my head. I would go to bed and do nothing but think about everything that was going on. I never expected to actually share my journey with other people.
~ I changed the look of my blog. I like it so much better! It's so pretty!!
I don't really have anything else to say. We are on CD 8 right now. T and I are both ready for this month. This is our last cycle before T goes to the Dr. So I know he is hoping that this is our month. I am trying to stay encouraged but not get my hopes up to high.
~ I have followers! I am so excited for this! Thank you ladies for following me. When I started blogging at the beginning of the year, it was just so I could literally empty my head. I would go to bed and do nothing but think about everything that was going on. I never expected to actually share my journey with other people.
~ I changed the look of my blog. I like it so much better! It's so pretty!!
I don't really have anything else to say. We are on CD 8 right now. T and I are both ready for this month. This is our last cycle before T goes to the Dr. So I know he is hoping that this is our month. I am trying to stay encouraged but not get my hopes up to high.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
One Year From Now - Blog Challenge
So some of the girls that I have been chatting with have thought it may be fun to do a blog challenge! I think this is a brilliant idea and I think it will help me to broaden out my blogging a little bit.
This weeks challenge is...
Other than KTFU or have a newborn, where do you want your life to be a year from today?
I want a house, like, really bad! I find myself going to real estate websites and finding houses that I like, and imagining what I would do to the kitchen or how I would paint the living room. But, in order for us to get a house within the year, we have to save. I am terrible at saving. As in I didn't have any savings until after T and I got married and got a joint account.
My folks are talking about selling their house. It isn't painted the way I would do it, and I hate their neighbor, but I would buy it in a heart beat! It's a perfect house for T and I, and when we have kids, it would be the perfect home to raise them in. It's the same home that my sisters and I were raised in. The neighborhood is good, the schools are good. It would be the perfect house for us. But, unfortunately, I am not 100% certain that we can afford it when they sell it.
We did however, today, take a look at my credit score. I have never had credit and I would have sworn that the credit I did have, was terrible. Either from my lack of credit, or the destruction of my credit from when I was 18. Well, surprisingly enough, it isn't too bad. Only a few under T's. So that should make it easier for us to get a house when we do decide to get a house. I am going to talk to a friend of mine who just bought a house, and figure out what our next step is.
So that is where I want to be in a year. I am sure it is reachable, we just need to put our minds to it. I just don't know if I can stay where we are living for much longer then a year. Bad neighborhood, bad structure of our house, and dang does it get cold quick in here. Did I mention that I live in a bad neighborhood, not to mention our neighbors have serious issues. Oh I hope we get a house soon.
This weeks challenge is...
Other than KTFU or have a newborn, where do you want your life to be a year from today?
I want a house, like, really bad! I find myself going to real estate websites and finding houses that I like, and imagining what I would do to the kitchen or how I would paint the living room. But, in order for us to get a house within the year, we have to save. I am terrible at saving. As in I didn't have any savings until after T and I got married and got a joint account.
My folks are talking about selling their house. It isn't painted the way I would do it, and I hate their neighbor, but I would buy it in a heart beat! It's a perfect house for T and I, and when we have kids, it would be the perfect home to raise them in. It's the same home that my sisters and I were raised in. The neighborhood is good, the schools are good. It would be the perfect house for us. But, unfortunately, I am not 100% certain that we can afford it when they sell it.
We did however, today, take a look at my credit score. I have never had credit and I would have sworn that the credit I did have, was terrible. Either from my lack of credit, or the destruction of my credit from when I was 18. Well, surprisingly enough, it isn't too bad. Only a few under T's. So that should make it easier for us to get a house when we do decide to get a house. I am going to talk to a friend of mine who just bought a house, and figure out what our next step is.
So that is where I want to be in a year. I am sure it is reachable, we just need to put our minds to it. I just don't know if I can stay where we are living for much longer then a year. Bad neighborhood, bad structure of our house, and dang does it get cold quick in here. Did I mention that I live in a bad neighborhood, not to mention our neighbors have serious issues. Oh I hope we get a house soon.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Please Pass the Whine
This sucks!!! I have never been a complainer, I don't cry, I don't bitch, I don't fuss over anything. But damn it! I am tired! I am frustrated and I am loosing hope! T and I are starting cycle 17, 1 cycle away from 18. A year a half! Are you effin kidding me?? I am so outrageously ready to love a child. To make sure that that child has everything that it has ever needed or wanted. I picture myself holding on so tight, and never letting go. Or having a rough day and hugging onto that child, and instantly, feeling better. I know it isn't always like that, sunshine and rainbows, I know that it's work, but dang it, I'm ready.
I was never one of those women that could picture myself having kids. I always wanted them, but I could just never picture them. I was always so afraid that I would hurt them, not intentionally, not physically, but I was always afraid that my clumsiness would in some sort of way, hurt my child. That I would be the mom that you heard on the news about leaving her child in a car unattended. I'm not afraid anymore. I will not be that mom. I will not feel like I am not good enough to be a mom. I am good enough to be a mom. I am ready, we are ready!
I am not a patient person, I never have been. I understand that somethings take time, and that things will happen when they happen. I know I am a strong person, and that I am not given anything that I cannot handle. I know that together T and I are strong enough to get through anything that is thrown our way. But I am not meant to be just an Aunt, and T is not meant to be just an Uncle. We are meant to be parents. I know that we are strong enough, and have enough love in our hearts for a child.
I was never one of those women that could picture myself having kids. I always wanted them, but I could just never picture them. I was always so afraid that I would hurt them, not intentionally, not physically, but I was always afraid that my clumsiness would in some sort of way, hurt my child. That I would be the mom that you heard on the news about leaving her child in a car unattended. I'm not afraid anymore. I will not be that mom. I will not feel like I am not good enough to be a mom. I am good enough to be a mom. I am ready, we are ready!
I am not a patient person, I never have been. I understand that somethings take time, and that things will happen when they happen. I know I am a strong person, and that I am not given anything that I cannot handle. I know that together T and I are strong enough to get through anything that is thrown our way. But I am not meant to be just an Aunt, and T is not meant to be just an Uncle. We are meant to be parents. I know that we are strong enough, and have enough love in our hearts for a child.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Crappy Day!!!
Today overly sucks....
CD1 I think. I'm spotting. I feel like ass. I know AF is coming. I took at test this morning as a precaution and it was negative. I say precaution because I have a dentist appointment today and they are going to want to do X-rays.
Not only am I not pregnant this month which suck, but I have a dentist appointment. Which doubly sucks. I hate the dentist. I am terrified. I have terrible anxiety right now. And this is just a cleaning. I wish I didn't have to go, but because I was irresponsible in the past for so many years, I have no choice but to go now. Not only that, but, T makes me go. That is how all this got started. He told me he wouldn't marry me if I didn't get my teeth taken care of. Not that my teeth were overly terrible, but my gums were really bad. So after 15 years of not going I went a few years back. And now, I have a normal smile, with normal colored gums. I have had almost all of my teeth worked on and almost all of my old fillings replaced. That is why I am going in today. I have a chipped filling, one of my old ones, all they way in the far back. So I am sure this isn't going to be my only appointment this month. I am sure I will be back in next week to get them taken care of.
That is pretty much all that is going on here. Nothing to exciting. Except....
I am growing my own Green Onions! Which is really super exciting for me. I found the idea on Pinterest a few months back. I never thought it would actually work, but, I bought a bunch of green onions about a month ago when I made pizza for the first time. I cut what I needed and then put them in water. They are growing! Like Crazy Growing!!! I am never going to have to buy green onions again! Well, at least as long as I keep these ones alive, which I am sure they will die eventually. I tend to kill anything green these days!!! I am just so exciting that they are growing. Now granted, they are definitely no pretty, and growing straight. They are all sorts of curvy, and growing a little nuts. But, they are growing!
CD1 I think. I'm spotting. I feel like ass. I know AF is coming. I took at test this morning as a precaution and it was negative. I say precaution because I have a dentist appointment today and they are going to want to do X-rays.
Not only am I not pregnant this month which suck, but I have a dentist appointment. Which doubly sucks. I hate the dentist. I am terrified. I have terrible anxiety right now. And this is just a cleaning. I wish I didn't have to go, but because I was irresponsible in the past for so many years, I have no choice but to go now. Not only that, but, T makes me go. That is how all this got started. He told me he wouldn't marry me if I didn't get my teeth taken care of. Not that my teeth were overly terrible, but my gums were really bad. So after 15 years of not going I went a few years back. And now, I have a normal smile, with normal colored gums. I have had almost all of my teeth worked on and almost all of my old fillings replaced. That is why I am going in today. I have a chipped filling, one of my old ones, all they way in the far back. So I am sure this isn't going to be my only appointment this month. I am sure I will be back in next week to get them taken care of.
That is pretty much all that is going on here. Nothing to exciting. Except....
I am growing my own Green Onions! Which is really super exciting for me. I found the idea on Pinterest a few months back. I never thought it would actually work, but, I bought a bunch of green onions about a month ago when I made pizza for the first time. I cut what I needed and then put them in water. They are growing! Like Crazy Growing!!! I am never going to have to buy green onions again! Well, at least as long as I keep these ones alive, which I am sure they will die eventually. I tend to kill anything green these days!!! I am just so exciting that they are growing. Now granted, they are definitely no pretty, and growing straight. They are all sorts of curvy, and growing a little nuts. But, they are growing!
Monday, February 18, 2013
Starting again... Any day now...
I am ready for a new cycle. I have come to terms with the fact that I am again, not pregnant this month. I am ready to just get AF and begin another cycle. I am done with being an emotional mess and crying at the drop of a hat. Work has sucked this last week because of my "crazy", T has been avoiding me because he is afraid I will either yell at him or start crying. Needless to say, I am done! I am tired, I am cranky, and dang it.... I just want to start over.
Nothing new has been going on here.... It's been pretty quiet. Valentines Day was pretty nice. I got called into work early so I ended up not having to close which was nice. I actually got to see T and we were actually able to spend some time together. I came home to some pretty roses and made us dinner. And then on Friday, I went and bought us both some new jeans. We needed them badly. I got so frustrated buying jeans for me, I always do though. T always seems to have such an easy time. I told T that I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, without all of the hooking of course, I had all of this money, and couldn't fine anything. I couldn't seem to find any jeans, I have always had a hard time spending the money on jeans. I finally did however buy me two pair and T two pair and I got a new pair of boots, they are wonderful.
T and I went to the casino on Saturday, kinda like a little date. We went and had Seafood Buffet, and lost a little bit of money. Then we went to the bar to have a drink, I didn't want to push it with both of us not smoking. T has been having a really hard time this last week. So I didn't want to make it any harder for him then it already was. I don't know why he doesn't just use some sort of aid, I have been, they help. They don't necessarily make it any easier but they take the edge off when I am about to kill someone.
My mom and I are doing a little shopping tomorrow. I have promised T that I will be good. Which means, pretty much, I can't buy anything. I may however go to Macy's and get something from the Inglot counter. I love Inglot. It rocks! I think we are just going to the mall and then to Target. I definitely have to get some stuff from Target. I have a list of things that I have needed for about a week now. T hates it when I got to Target, I never stick to my list. I try though. I always seem to walk out of there with stuff we don't need, or things that I think we need and already have 6 of at home. And keep me away of the makeup and accessories. Thats usually when I get sucked in.
Nothing new has been going on here.... It's been pretty quiet. Valentines Day was pretty nice. I got called into work early so I ended up not having to close which was nice. I actually got to see T and we were actually able to spend some time together. I came home to some pretty roses and made us dinner. And then on Friday, I went and bought us both some new jeans. We needed them badly. I got so frustrated buying jeans for me, I always do though. T always seems to have such an easy time. I told T that I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, without all of the hooking of course, I had all of this money, and couldn't fine anything. I couldn't seem to find any jeans, I have always had a hard time spending the money on jeans. I finally did however buy me two pair and T two pair and I got a new pair of boots, they are wonderful.
T and I went to the casino on Saturday, kinda like a little date. We went and had Seafood Buffet, and lost a little bit of money. Then we went to the bar to have a drink, I didn't want to push it with both of us not smoking. T has been having a really hard time this last week. So I didn't want to make it any harder for him then it already was. I don't know why he doesn't just use some sort of aid, I have been, they help. They don't necessarily make it any easier but they take the edge off when I am about to kill someone.
My mom and I are doing a little shopping tomorrow. I have promised T that I will be good. Which means, pretty much, I can't buy anything. I may however go to Macy's and get something from the Inglot counter. I love Inglot. It rocks! I think we are just going to the mall and then to Target. I definitely have to get some stuff from Target. I have a list of things that I have needed for about a week now. T hates it when I got to Target, I never stick to my list. I try though. I always seem to walk out of there with stuff we don't need, or things that I think we need and already have 6 of at home. And keep me away of the makeup and accessories. Thats usually when I get sucked in.
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