Please Pass the Whine

This sucks!!! I have never been a complainer, I don't cry, I don't bitch, I don't fuss over anything.  But damn it! I am tired! I am frustrated and I am loosing hope! T and I are starting cycle 17, 1 cycle away from 18.  A year a half! Are you effin kidding me??  I am so outrageously ready to love a child.  To make sure that that child has everything that it has ever needed or wanted.  I picture myself holding on so tight, and never letting go.  Or having a rough day and hugging onto that child, and instantly, feeling better.  I know it isn't always like that, sunshine and rainbows, I know that it's work, but dang it, I'm ready.

I was never one of those women that could picture myself having kids. I always wanted them, but I could just never picture them.  I was always so afraid that I would hurt them, not intentionally, not physically, but I was always afraid that my clumsiness would in some sort of way, hurt my child.  That I would be the mom that you heard on the news about leaving her child in a car unattended.  I'm not afraid anymore.  I will not be that mom.  I will not feel like I am not good enough to be a mom.  I am good enough to be a mom.  I am ready, we are ready!

I am not a patient person, I never have been.  I understand that somethings take time, and that things will happen when they happen.  I know I am a strong person, and that I am not given anything that I cannot handle.  I know that together T and I are strong enough to get through anything that is thrown our way.  But I am not meant to be just an Aunt, and T is not meant to be just an Uncle.  We are meant to be parents.  I know that we are strong enough, and have enough love in our hearts for a child.