Feeling Silly

I have to admit, I feel kinda silly for being so nervous.  I had lunch with R today, I don't know why I was so nervous.  I didn't sleep well last night.  I was afraid I would see her and cry, or that I would be jealous.  Or that she would complain about how hard it is.  But, she didn't.  I didn't cry, and I wasn't jealous.  We kinda picked up where we left off.  On our way to lunch we got to talking about her pregnancy. 

She started by telling me about how she was a step-mom to her boyfriends kids and then started wanting more.  Her and her boyfriend decided that they wanted to try to start a family of there own.  After trying for a few months and being 35 they decided that it was time to go to the Dr. Long story short, a lot of injections, medicated cycles, 2 successes and then 2 losses, she gave up.  They gave up, they gave up on each other, and started moving forward without each other.  Then one crazy night at the bar they got drunk, had sex and she got pregnant.  After the first couple of months of trying to make it work with him, she decided to go it alone, and move home.  Needless to say, I was shocked.  Never in my mind did I think that she would have gone through what I am going through.  Never in my mind did I think that she would understand.  Never in my mind did I think she would take my hand, look me in the eyes and tell me how sincerely sorry she was that I was going through this. 

I am glad that I went today, and that we sat and talked.  I am glad that we picked up where we seemed to have left off.  I know that she is going to be a good mom and she knows that I am going to be there for her and her little boy.  A little boy that I am so excited to meet now.