So some of the girls that I have been chatting with have thought it may be fun to do a blog challenge! I think this is a brilliant idea and I think it will help me to broaden out my blogging a little bit.
This weeks challenge is...
Other than KTFU or have a newborn, where do you want your life to be a year from today?
I want a house, like, really bad! I find myself going to real estate websites and finding houses that I like, and imagining what I would do to the kitchen or how I would paint the living room. But, in order for us to get a house within the year, we have to save. I am terrible at saving. As in I didn't have any savings until after T and I got married and got a joint account.
My folks are talking about selling their house. It isn't painted the way I would do it, and I hate their neighbor, but I would buy it in a heart beat! It's a perfect house for T and I, and when we have kids, it would be the perfect home to raise them in. It's the same home that my sisters and I were raised in. The neighborhood is good, the schools are good. It would be the perfect house for us. But, unfortunately, I am not 100% certain that we can afford it when they sell it.
We did however, today, take a look at my credit score. I have never had credit and I would have sworn that the credit I did have, was terrible. Either from my lack of credit, or the destruction of my credit from when I was 18. Well, surprisingly enough, it isn't too bad. Only a few under T's. So that should make it easier for us to get a house when we do decide to get a house. I am going to talk to a friend of mine who just bought a house, and figure out what our next step is.
So that is where I want to be in a year. I am sure it is reachable, we just need to put our minds to it. I just don't know if I can stay where we are living for much longer then a year. Bad neighborhood, bad structure of our house, and dang does it get cold quick in here. Did I mention that I live in a bad neighborhood, not to mention our neighbors have serious issues. Oh I hope we get a house soon.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Please Pass the Whine
This sucks!!! I have never been a complainer, I don't cry, I don't bitch, I don't fuss over anything. But damn it! I am tired! I am frustrated and I am loosing hope! T and I are starting cycle 17, 1 cycle away from 18. A year a half! Are you effin kidding me?? I am so outrageously ready to love a child. To make sure that that child has everything that it has ever needed or wanted. I picture myself holding on so tight, and never letting go. Or having a rough day and hugging onto that child, and instantly, feeling better. I know it isn't always like that, sunshine and rainbows, I know that it's work, but dang it, I'm ready.
I was never one of those women that could picture myself having kids. I always wanted them, but I could just never picture them. I was always so afraid that I would hurt them, not intentionally, not physically, but I was always afraid that my clumsiness would in some sort of way, hurt my child. That I would be the mom that you heard on the news about leaving her child in a car unattended. I'm not afraid anymore. I will not be that mom. I will not feel like I am not good enough to be a mom. I am good enough to be a mom. I am ready, we are ready!
I am not a patient person, I never have been. I understand that somethings take time, and that things will happen when they happen. I know I am a strong person, and that I am not given anything that I cannot handle. I know that together T and I are strong enough to get through anything that is thrown our way. But I am not meant to be just an Aunt, and T is not meant to be just an Uncle. We are meant to be parents. I know that we are strong enough, and have enough love in our hearts for a child.
I was never one of those women that could picture myself having kids. I always wanted them, but I could just never picture them. I was always so afraid that I would hurt them, not intentionally, not physically, but I was always afraid that my clumsiness would in some sort of way, hurt my child. That I would be the mom that you heard on the news about leaving her child in a car unattended. I'm not afraid anymore. I will not be that mom. I will not feel like I am not good enough to be a mom. I am good enough to be a mom. I am ready, we are ready!
I am not a patient person, I never have been. I understand that somethings take time, and that things will happen when they happen. I know I am a strong person, and that I am not given anything that I cannot handle. I know that together T and I are strong enough to get through anything that is thrown our way. But I am not meant to be just an Aunt, and T is not meant to be just an Uncle. We are meant to be parents. I know that we are strong enough, and have enough love in our hearts for a child.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Crappy Day!!!
Today overly sucks....
CD1 I think. I'm spotting. I feel like ass. I know AF is coming. I took at test this morning as a precaution and it was negative. I say precaution because I have a dentist appointment today and they are going to want to do X-rays.
Not only am I not pregnant this month which suck, but I have a dentist appointment. Which doubly sucks. I hate the dentist. I am terrified. I have terrible anxiety right now. And this is just a cleaning. I wish I didn't have to go, but because I was irresponsible in the past for so many years, I have no choice but to go now. Not only that, but, T makes me go. That is how all this got started. He told me he wouldn't marry me if I didn't get my teeth taken care of. Not that my teeth were overly terrible, but my gums were really bad. So after 15 years of not going I went a few years back. And now, I have a normal smile, with normal colored gums. I have had almost all of my teeth worked on and almost all of my old fillings replaced. That is why I am going in today. I have a chipped filling, one of my old ones, all they way in the far back. So I am sure this isn't going to be my only appointment this month. I am sure I will be back in next week to get them taken care of.
That is pretty much all that is going on here. Nothing to exciting. Except....
I am growing my own Green Onions! Which is really super exciting for me. I found the idea on Pinterest a few months back. I never thought it would actually work, but, I bought a bunch of green onions about a month ago when I made pizza for the first time. I cut what I needed and then put them in water. They are growing! Like Crazy Growing!!! I am never going to have to buy green onions again! Well, at least as long as I keep these ones alive, which I am sure they will die eventually. I tend to kill anything green these days!!! I am just so exciting that they are growing. Now granted, they are definitely no pretty, and growing straight. They are all sorts of curvy, and growing a little nuts. But, they are growing!
CD1 I think. I'm spotting. I feel like ass. I know AF is coming. I took at test this morning as a precaution and it was negative. I say precaution because I have a dentist appointment today and they are going to want to do X-rays.
Not only am I not pregnant this month which suck, but I have a dentist appointment. Which doubly sucks. I hate the dentist. I am terrified. I have terrible anxiety right now. And this is just a cleaning. I wish I didn't have to go, but because I was irresponsible in the past for so many years, I have no choice but to go now. Not only that, but, T makes me go. That is how all this got started. He told me he wouldn't marry me if I didn't get my teeth taken care of. Not that my teeth were overly terrible, but my gums were really bad. So after 15 years of not going I went a few years back. And now, I have a normal smile, with normal colored gums. I have had almost all of my teeth worked on and almost all of my old fillings replaced. That is why I am going in today. I have a chipped filling, one of my old ones, all they way in the far back. So I am sure this isn't going to be my only appointment this month. I am sure I will be back in next week to get them taken care of.
That is pretty much all that is going on here. Nothing to exciting. Except....
I am growing my own Green Onions! Which is really super exciting for me. I found the idea on Pinterest a few months back. I never thought it would actually work, but, I bought a bunch of green onions about a month ago when I made pizza for the first time. I cut what I needed and then put them in water. They are growing! Like Crazy Growing!!! I am never going to have to buy green onions again! Well, at least as long as I keep these ones alive, which I am sure they will die eventually. I tend to kill anything green these days!!! I am just so exciting that they are growing. Now granted, they are definitely no pretty, and growing straight. They are all sorts of curvy, and growing a little nuts. But, they are growing!
Monday, February 18, 2013
Starting again... Any day now...
I am ready for a new cycle. I have come to terms with the fact that I am again, not pregnant this month. I am ready to just get AF and begin another cycle. I am done with being an emotional mess and crying at the drop of a hat. Work has sucked this last week because of my "crazy", T has been avoiding me because he is afraid I will either yell at him or start crying. Needless to say, I am done! I am tired, I am cranky, and dang it.... I just want to start over.
Nothing new has been going on here.... It's been pretty quiet. Valentines Day was pretty nice. I got called into work early so I ended up not having to close which was nice. I actually got to see T and we were actually able to spend some time together. I came home to some pretty roses and made us dinner. And then on Friday, I went and bought us both some new jeans. We needed them badly. I got so frustrated buying jeans for me, I always do though. T always seems to have such an easy time. I told T that I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, without all of the hooking of course, I had all of this money, and couldn't fine anything. I couldn't seem to find any jeans, I have always had a hard time spending the money on jeans. I finally did however buy me two pair and T two pair and I got a new pair of boots, they are wonderful.
T and I went to the casino on Saturday, kinda like a little date. We went and had Seafood Buffet, and lost a little bit of money. Then we went to the bar to have a drink, I didn't want to push it with both of us not smoking. T has been having a really hard time this last week. So I didn't want to make it any harder for him then it already was. I don't know why he doesn't just use some sort of aid, I have been, they help. They don't necessarily make it any easier but they take the edge off when I am about to kill someone.
My mom and I are doing a little shopping tomorrow. I have promised T that I will be good. Which means, pretty much, I can't buy anything. I may however go to Macy's and get something from the Inglot counter. I love Inglot. It rocks! I think we are just going to the mall and then to Target. I definitely have to get some stuff from Target. I have a list of things that I have needed for about a week now. T hates it when I got to Target, I never stick to my list. I try though. I always seem to walk out of there with stuff we don't need, or things that I think we need and already have 6 of at home. And keep me away of the makeup and accessories. Thats usually when I get sucked in.
Nothing new has been going on here.... It's been pretty quiet. Valentines Day was pretty nice. I got called into work early so I ended up not having to close which was nice. I actually got to see T and we were actually able to spend some time together. I came home to some pretty roses and made us dinner. And then on Friday, I went and bought us both some new jeans. We needed them badly. I got so frustrated buying jeans for me, I always do though. T always seems to have such an easy time. I told T that I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, without all of the hooking of course, I had all of this money, and couldn't fine anything. I couldn't seem to find any jeans, I have always had a hard time spending the money on jeans. I finally did however buy me two pair and T two pair and I got a new pair of boots, they are wonderful.
T and I went to the casino on Saturday, kinda like a little date. We went and had Seafood Buffet, and lost a little bit of money. Then we went to the bar to have a drink, I didn't want to push it with both of us not smoking. T has been having a really hard time this last week. So I didn't want to make it any harder for him then it already was. I don't know why he doesn't just use some sort of aid, I have been, they help. They don't necessarily make it any easier but they take the edge off when I am about to kill someone.
My mom and I are doing a little shopping tomorrow. I have promised T that I will be good. Which means, pretty much, I can't buy anything. I may however go to Macy's and get something from the Inglot counter. I love Inglot. It rocks! I think we are just going to the mall and then to Target. I definitely have to get some stuff from Target. I have a list of things that I have needed for about a week now. T hates it when I got to Target, I never stick to my list. I try though. I always seem to walk out of there with stuff we don't need, or things that I think we need and already have 6 of at home. And keep me away of the makeup and accessories. Thats usually when I get sucked in.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Random Nail Polish
I think I have a problem....
I am addicted to nail polish. I buy it even though a majority of the time I can't wear it because I work with food. I never spend less then $8 on a polish, and sometimes, more often then not, I buy multiples. This last weekend alone I bought 7, yes 7, nail polishes. Six of which were $14. I love them all! I can't wait to wear them. I love Butter London and Illamasqua polishes. They both run around $14 to $15. I picked up the top 6 in this picture. I also picked up an OPI polish. I can't seem to get a good picture of it though, it is one of the sand ones that I just can't seem to get to photograph well. I should have been shopping for clothes, but how do you pass up these polishes?? I am excited about the pictures. I put them together and typed the names on them and messed with the sharpness and stuff. I am pretty sure they look like crap, but, it is something new for me.
I am addicted to nail polish. I buy it even though a majority of the time I can't wear it because I work with food. I never spend less then $8 on a polish, and sometimes, more often then not, I buy multiples. This last weekend alone I bought 7, yes 7, nail polishes. Six of which were $14. I love them all! I can't wait to wear them. I love Butter London and Illamasqua polishes. They both run around $14 to $15. I picked up the top 6 in this picture. I also picked up an OPI polish. I can't seem to get a good picture of it though, it is one of the sand ones that I just can't seem to get to photograph well. I should have been shopping for clothes, but how do you pass up these polishes?? I am excited about the pictures. I put them together and typed the names on them and messed with the sharpness and stuff. I am pretty sure they look like crap, but, it is something new for me.
Things are going well here. We are going on a week without a cigarette. As a matter of fact, today is 7days. Yay!! We haven't killed anyone, or each other. I haven't jumped across the counter at work, and attached anyone. T is finally starting to feel better. He finally went to the Dr. He was sent home with 4 different prescriptions. And 3 different illnesses, bronchitis, laryngitis, and an upper respiratory infection. Maybe he will eventually learn to listen to me when I tell him to do something. I am feeling like I am fighting something off. We are probably just passing this back and forth. Just sharing the love!
I have officially made pizza twice, and both times, I haven't gotten pictures of it. My banana bread turned out really dense. That is about all I have made in the cooking catagory. I want to make my own pesto for the pizza next time. I had no idea that pine nuts were so freaking expensive! But I mean if I can make it with only 5 ingredience when the grocery stuff comes with way more then that, I'll take it. I have heard that it taste much better too.
T and I need to start getting motivated. We are both wanting to go to the gym, but neither one of us are motivated to go. I keep thinking that if I go with out him then that will motivate him to go, or vice versa. Now that we have both quit smoking, we need to get into shape. We both like to jog, well, I walk fast, T jogs. I just get winded so quickly when I jog. I know that once T starts feeling like he can take a deep breath without caughing, he will be all over me about working out. Maybe I should start now.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Outrageous Frustration!
This month was a bust. I am so outrageously frustrated. I am on the verge of tears. I quit smoking, which makes me want to rip any ones face off!
I know that all of this crap will pass in a day or so, but come one honestly! Really? This month sucks, I think we really need to start seeking help. I am going to make a Dr appointment for next week. And get a referral from the Dr for an OBGYN. And from there we will just go from there. I know that if I go to the OBGYN and talk to her about our issues, he is going to get mad, saying that it isn't any ones business. Which I agree, but come on already! When will this start moving in our direction. I know that I am going to have to talk to someone in the medical field at some point. And I know this isn't a pressure issue anymore. I know that it is something else. I just really wish I knew what the hell was going. Because I am so outrageously frustrated!
So I did it! I quit smoking, again. Well, technically, we did it! T quit too. YAY!! We haven't killed each other yet. Which is a great thing! It has definitely come close. I am so hoping that I make it through work tomorrow without killing anyone!
I am having wine and cake with the girls tomorrow. One of our friends is filing for divorce. Which absolutely breaks my heart. I know that they have had problems with infertility. And I had heard that they just hadn't communicated well enough to make it through it. A few years back, my best friend and I got into it a little bit, it was right before the holidays. She had compared T and I to this other couple, because we have some similarities. Anyways, basically she compared us and I blew up at her, and then we both cried and apologized and now we are fine today. But, anyways, now this couple is getting a divorce. I talked to T tonight, because I deep down, I am not so much worried that we will have a child together, but I am more worried that our marriage won't survive getting us there. He like always reassured me that we will be more then strong enough, we are not them, we have more then them deep down. Deep down, our souls connect. I guess, that sounds pretty cheesy.
I went shopping, yesterday and today. I bought a few things, I scored a huge deal on some Butter London polish. Got a Stila Mascara for pretty cheap. Got my Lorac Pro Blush from ULTA today. YAY for 20% off coupon! Those things rock. I wish I had a better camera, so that way I could not necessarily swatch stuff, cause that isn't what I want to do, but I would like to be able to take pictures of the stuff so that way I could at least show what I purchased. I don't want to go find and use someone else's photos because that isn't me. I guess I will just not take pictures of my stuff, not for a while at least!
Leaving some words of wisdome before I go. I can't figure out if I want to talk about love, or strenght, or the fact that I want to rip someones face off. I guess I could put all of them up!
I know I'm not too lovable right now. But I am lucky that I have people that love me when I am not nearly as lovable as I usually am.
I know that all of this crap will pass in a day or so, but come one honestly! Really? This month sucks, I think we really need to start seeking help. I am going to make a Dr appointment for next week. And get a referral from the Dr for an OBGYN. And from there we will just go from there. I know that if I go to the OBGYN and talk to her about our issues, he is going to get mad, saying that it isn't any ones business. Which I agree, but come on already! When will this start moving in our direction. I know that I am going to have to talk to someone in the medical field at some point. And I know this isn't a pressure issue anymore. I know that it is something else. I just really wish I knew what the hell was going. Because I am so outrageously frustrated!
So I did it! I quit smoking, again. Well, technically, we did it! T quit too. YAY!! We haven't killed each other yet. Which is a great thing! It has definitely come close. I am so hoping that I make it through work tomorrow without killing anyone!
I am having wine and cake with the girls tomorrow. One of our friends is filing for divorce. Which absolutely breaks my heart. I know that they have had problems with infertility. And I had heard that they just hadn't communicated well enough to make it through it. A few years back, my best friend and I got into it a little bit, it was right before the holidays. She had compared T and I to this other couple, because we have some similarities. Anyways, basically she compared us and I blew up at her, and then we both cried and apologized and now we are fine today. But, anyways, now this couple is getting a divorce. I talked to T tonight, because I deep down, I am not so much worried that we will have a child together, but I am more worried that our marriage won't survive getting us there. He like always reassured me that we will be more then strong enough, we are not them, we have more then them deep down. Deep down, our souls connect. I guess, that sounds pretty cheesy.
I went shopping, yesterday and today. I bought a few things, I scored a huge deal on some Butter London polish. Got a Stila Mascara for pretty cheap. Got my Lorac Pro Blush from ULTA today. YAY for 20% off coupon! Those things rock. I wish I had a better camera, so that way I could not necessarily swatch stuff, cause that isn't what I want to do, but I would like to be able to take pictures of the stuff so that way I could at least show what I purchased. I don't want to go find and use someone else's photos because that isn't me. I guess I will just not take pictures of my stuff, not for a while at least!
Leaving some words of wisdome before I go. I can't figure out if I want to talk about love, or strenght, or the fact that I want to rip someones face off. I guess I could put all of them up!
I know I'm not too lovable right now. But I am lucky that I have people that love me when I am not nearly as lovable as I usually am.
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