Feeling Better

I think T and I have decided to not try this month, to give it a rest.  I just don’t feel like I am in a place to try.  I am not giving up, if anything I will reevaluate where we are next month, and go from there.   Even T says this month I am not nearly as “gung-ho” about trying.  The other day he brought it to my attention that my FB statuses have been kind of depressing.  I told him I wasn’t depressed, I was just feeling a little down.  But I am starting to feel a little better.

Another friend has said that she is in fact pregnant, which I am so happy for her.  I am feeling like I have waited too long to try to get pregnant and that mine and T’s age is definitely a factor.  T says that he thinks it him, and I think that it’s a combination of the both of us.  With his swimmers and my stupid ute.  End of March T and I will go in for testing.  I am sure that we both have factors that is making this more difficult.  But we will just have to see.  T had asked if I could just give him a couple more months of really good timing.  I said sure.

I was talking to a girl at work, telling her about writing all this stuff down on paper and that I needed to surround myself with positivity.  She agrees, she thinks its a good outlet for me, anyways I like writing all this stuff down, I think it helps.  I woke up this morning feeling better, more clearer headed.  I’m not sure if it’s the writing but it's working so I guess I will just continue to do it.  I hope this continues to work for me.  I am thinking this will at least help me sleep soundly at night, knowing that I now have an outlet for my thoughts.  If I get anything out of this I will be alright with getting more sleep out of it.  I was going to try yoga tomorrow morning but since I work so early, and I don’t dare do it in front of T, I think I will wait on it. 

So I am done peeing on sticks, I know for certain that I won’t need to pee on anything for the rest of this cycle since we aren’t going to try anyways, I now just have to find peace with the fact that we are taking this month off.  T says that we will see what the weekend brings us, since we are both off work on Saturday.  I don’t know, I guess I just feel like what is the point if we aren’t going to try to make a baby. 

 

I never realized how creepy the Alice in Wonderland movie is. It’s pretty darned creepy. Especially the cat, the Cheshire Cat. Thank goodness Buddy isn’t that creepy. I need to take my tree down soon, my Christmas tree is still up and I don’t feel like taking it down. I wish I could just put it in a box, still decorated. I took forever putting it up this year, and I still didn’t want to put it up. But Tom wanted me to put it up, so that is what we did. I used to enjoy putting up the tree every year, but this year I just didn’t have it in me.