Still Running In Circles

ugh cycle 16 or 17.... I don't freakin know.

At some point or another I have lost track.  We have tried some months and then not others and to be completely honest, I can't remember what months we tried and what months we didn't.  I try to keep track with fertility friend but, I get so frustrated.  We are still "not trying."  We will probably be on this road for a couple more months.  I do have to admit that its been nice to not really think about it.  We went out with L and D last weekend and had a wonderful time.  L said that it was a nice change of pace for us not to be arguing and bickering at all.  She said that she saw a side of T and I that she hadn't seen in a while.  So we will keep pushing forward on this path for a bit and see where it goes.  And then if we are still not pregnant by the time T has his follow up appointment for his meds then we will discuss a SA with his Dr.

L's Dirty 30 Colorama Bowling Party is this coming weekend.  I am so super excited and can't wait to see everyone.  I just have to get through this next week and then its party like a rock star!!! I work Sunday thru Thursday and then I am off for 3 days.  Friday I am baking cupcakes and getting pedicures with the girls!  Saturday I am frosting cupcakes and getting ready for the party.  Since L is the only one of us girls that was born in the 80's, we decided that this party was going to be 80's theme.  Which means leg warmers, stretch pants, big bangs, fluorescent colors, and craziness. 

I think I am going to start baking.  I am going to start small with cupcakes.  I am making cupcakes for L's birthday.  I did a run through on the recipe that I have and made sure that I could pipe frosting.  I went to the craft store and actually purchased piping bags and a tip.  So I made funfetti cupcakes with pink frosting.  They are freakin fantastically yummy.   I used box cake but I added some stuff to it to make it taste like home made cake.  I'll have pictures of the ones from this next weekend.  I don't have any good ones from this last go! I have started pinning cupcake recipes that if I get the go ahead from T I will start baking cupcakes soon! 

We have put house hunting on hold for a little bit.  Probably till the end of June.  I have made T promise that if we get pregnant before then that  we will still continue to find us a home.  I don't want to bring a baby back to this house.  I don't like the fact that every week its a different thing wrong.  Last week T pulled the screen door of its hinges.  Which at the time I thought was remarkably funny.  But he was for sure not laughing at all!!!  I am still looking at homes, but I know that we can't buy anything anytime soon.  But it is still nice to look and to see what is out there. 

I guess that is all that is going on with us.  This post took 3 days to write.  Which I guess means I didn't really have nearly as much to say as I thought I did. 

This Is Going to Be Quick.....

.....And Short!

We are alive! We have had some hiccups the last couple weeks, but we are alive! 

I am awaiting the arrival of AF, if she isn't here tomorrow morning then I will be POAS, knowing full well that it will most likely be negative. 

We are praying for all of those that are in or around Boston.  Those who have been injured or have loved ones that have been injured and those who have been killed in this horrific act.  It scares me to death, and it makes my heart extremely heavy.  I am sure those responsible will be held accountable.  I am reminded that I really need to stop, and smell the roses.  To tell my loved ones that they are in fact, loved. 

God Bless.

So Much Is Going On

Holy Crap things are crazy!

There is so much crazy going on here, that I am not sure what which way is up anymore.  I have been working like a crazy lady.  Trying to keep everything going forward.  In the mean time, whoa is there a lot going on in this house! Speaking of houses.....

WE GOT PRE-APPROVED FOR A HOUSE LOAN!!!!!

We start looking for a house in about a month or so, we have to save a little bit of money, but not nearly as much as if we needed to have a down.  I am so outrageously excited to have a house with walls that I can paint.  And carpet I can rip up, and walls I can tear down, and fences I can build, and gardens I can grow.  I am just can't wait.  I am in charge of talking to the realtor and finding a place.  T was in charge of the money, and talking to the gal about how much we could be pre-qualified for.  Now we wait, and we pack our patience, because I don't want just some piece of crap house that I have to rebuild from the ground up.  I want a house that we can grow into, and be proud of.  I want us to have a house that is safe for us, so when we do finally have a baby, I don't have to be worried that the house is going to fall apart around us. 

In other news.... baby news.... we are around O, I think.  I haven't peed on anything.  I am in the process of going crazy!  Not using OPK's is going to drive me absolutely crazy! I am sure that I am going to O at anytime now.  Either tomorrow or Wednesday.  Hopefully we can get another get another really good sexy time in either tomorrow or Wednesday.  If we get pregnant this cycle then we will be due at or around Christmas.  Which should be interesting, to say the least.   I am going to try really hard not to get my hopes up to high this cycle.  But I know that by the 11th or 12th I will be going absolutely crazy! I do have to admit though, this month hasn't been nearly as stressful as other months, and I don't know if that is because I have been preoccupied with the house hunting or if that is because I haven't been peeing on things. 

I also got my hair cut today, and I LOVE it!!! its super duper cute, and it's going to be really nice for the summer.  It short but not to short, and will be nice when I want something different, or when I don't want to put my hair in a ponytail.  And now that I am thinking about it, I don't think I can actually put it back in a pony tail.  But anyways, I have bangs, I haven't actually had actual bangs in years, or decades, its been since either the late 90's or early 00's.  Man, what was I thinking.  LOL. 

That is about all that is going on.  Work has been a bear, and I am absolutely hating it! I am being pulled into all sorts of directions.  But I am getting my hours, and I am getting a house soon.  In the end I guess it will all be worth it.  I should be getting my next raise in a couple months, and then hopefully I will get more after that. 

I've Been a Bad Blogger!

Ugh! How crazy I have been!!

That and I haven't really had much to say!

I have been working a lot lately, and sleeping a lot. 

I did however, finish up with ALL of my dental work.  I had a dentist appointment on Tuesday to finish my fillings.  They gave me a different sedation medicine which worked really well! I was super  sleepy, but not anxious at all.   They ended up filling a total of 7 cavities.  6 old ones and 1 new one.  Next up is the doctor. 

I have been slacking on my blog challenges, I have missed two.  So I will be doing those this weekend.  Hopefully I have some down time this weekend to do them.  Probably not until Sunday.  I only work for 4 hours on Sunday, and should be able to do them then.  For some reason, I have just been busier then normal. Next week will for sure be much busier then this week, working 6 days next week. Yay!

Anyways, on the TTC/TTA home front.  I am on CD 3 here.  I have had T hide my OPK's from me, so that I won't be tempted to pee on them this month.  I don't want to not try, but I don't want to really try hard, like we have been.  I guess we will see what the next couple months brings us.  Luckily I know enough about my body to know when I am O'ing.  That, and I think we are just going to have lots of sex this month! Yay!

Been Crazy Busy....

.... And it's only going to get busier.

Looks like we will be either looking for an apartment, or looking for a house.  I would much rather try to get into a house and I am going to try to convince T.  But, I think we are going to end up in an apartment for a least 6 months.  Which, unfortunately, means I have to go through all our stuff and try to week out the stuff we don't use or need.  I have a friend who just bought a house, not too long ago.  And I think we are going to talk to her to see what all she had to do and what we will have to do.

This weekend was crazy busy.  T and I took some time off from work.  We spent the whole weekend together and got to spend some time out side on Saturday.  It was beautiful.  We got to play a little bit of golf and spent some time at the lake there.  It was just such a beautiful day.  Sunny but not too warm. 

Not much is going on here.  T turned 40 yesterday.  We went out to dinner Sunday with a bunch of friends.  It was a lot of fun.  We went to the local Mexican place here in town.  I asked them if they had a sombrero for T to wear while they sang him happy birthday.  It was pretty damned funny.  Now all I can think of is "Happy Birthday, Cha Cha Cha!" Freakin funny. 

As far as the TTA/TTC front.  Nothing new here.  I think we are just going to see what happens.  I have however, been going to the gym and been trying very hard to eat better.  T and I went for a long walk this last week.  T doesn't seem to be as motivated as me.  T does have his follow up Dr. appointment next week for his high blood pressure.  I have a list of things for him to talk to his Dr. about. 

I also have a dentist appointment next week.  Tuesday... really not too excited about that.  they are filling the fillings in my front teeth.  They are giving me a different anxiety medicine then usual.  I am really nervous about it.  I don't know how I am going to react to it.  I downloaded new music on my iPod so I will have new stuff to listen too.... ugh... I hate the dentist so much.  I just want to get this over with and done.  I think they are going to try to get it all done at once so I don't have to deal with it again.  They know that we are TTC so I think they want to get it over with too.  And you know the sooner its done the better, then I won't have to go again until September or so.  If they are lucky... no, just kidding, I'll go back sooner this time, I swear.

Blog Challenge - Best/Positive Childhood Memory

This one is a little hard for me.  Not because there aren't many, but because there are too many to pick from.  Not to make it sounds like I had a wonderful childhood, because some if not most parts were pretty awful.  But the good parts, the parts that made me who I am, they definitely out shine the bad parts. 

So the best, most positive memory I have revolves around one little quiet town.  I spent a lot of summers there and grew into the person that I am today. 

Every summer, my sister and I would get shipped to my grandparents house in the mountains above Hoodsport, WA.  And by few weeks, I mean usually from late June to early September.  And by mountains, I mean literally the mountains.  We would get up there and we would be let loose into the woods to climb trees, look for bugs and berries, make paint out of rotten wood and try not to get eaten by wildlife.  This was back in the 80's where we didn't have to worry about locking our doors at night, let alone getting kidnapped.  The only thing we had to worry about was literally the wildlife.  There was one rule, when you were called to come in, you came running. 

We learned how to fish and about wild life, and how to use it.  We learned what we could eat and couldn't, and how to track animals.  But the best part was we learned how to golf.  My grandfather, is, well I guess, was, one of the best golfers I have ever known.  He always had patience when teaching us.  He always knew he needed to carry extra golf balls in his pockets, because at some point, we would put our ball in the woods, or the lake, or through a window (I swear that only happened once).  I don't know how many golf balls I lost in that damn lake though. 

A few weeks into our summer, our cousin would show up.  She was the same age as my sister, but even with the 4 year age difference, they never made me feel like I was in the way. My sister and I were the tomboys.  My cousin on the other hand, was always dressed in some sort of dress.  The three of us were inseparable.  My grandma would send us out to pick blue berries for pancakes.  We would come back with a half a bowl of berries, a full stomach and purple fingers.  She would always laugh at us, and our purple fingers. 

Eventually we grew up, the summers dwindled down to just a couple weeks, then to a week, and then not at all.  We grew up and the house got sold. All of those memories were packed into boxes, and put away.  My grandparents needed to be somewhere closer to the doctors and the hospital.  And somewhere, where they couldn't get snowed in. And somewhere that didn't take a helicopter to get them out if something went wrong, or someone got sick and need a hospital immediately.

But I will always remember waking up in the morning, to the sounds of bacon cooking, Johnny Cash on the tape player, and my grandma whistling in the kitchen.  The love that is shared between my grandmother and grandfather paved the path that lead me to my husband.  When I was growing up I wasn't basing the picture of my husband off of my father, but off of my grandfather.  My first born will be named after my grandfather, not my father.  The love between them is a good, strong love.   It's the kind of  love that is written about.

I have more memories of that quiet little town in the mountains.  But I don't want to turn this into a book. 

Not TTC, Not TTA

Well, this weeks has pretty much sucked ass.  I have been a huge emotional mess.  I have been crying off and on all week.  Two days ago, T and I couldn't get in the mood.  I was frustrated with my OPK's I couldn't get a matching line, but all other signs were pointing to O.  So I started crying.  I was just wanting T to listen to me.  I wasn't asking him to fix the problem, I just wanted him to hear me.  It was definitely not one of his finer moments.  He told me I had a tendency to over react.  Which to me, sounded like he was telling me I was over reacting.  So I walked away before I said something hurtful. 

Yesterday was a long day.  I worked a long day, and was supposed to come home and try again.  All I wanted to do was have a glass of wine, and relax.  T asked to talk for a little bit, and I got what I needed to say out.  Basically, we decided that it was better for us to not try anymore, and to get healthy.  And to focus on our health and getting back into shape.  I didn't realize that I was starting to blame, and recent him.  I don't want to do that.  I don't want to start a family like that.  When we get pregnant, I don't want to feel relief, I want to be excited. 

I told T that I felt like we weren't trying hard enough.  We kept talking about being healthy, and doing this and that.  But we weren't taking the initiative to actually do it.  We kept saying we were going to go to the gym but we wouldn't go.  Or saying that we were going to eat smaller portions and not.  Or we were going to have sex more then once or twice, and then not.  I felt like I was literally on a hamster wheel, going absolutely nowhere.

So that is where we are at now.  We are going to just see what happens, and focus on us.  We are going to start working out, and eating healthy.  I went to the gym today, and walked two miles.  I was surprised that it didn't take that long and I didn't feel like I really had to work for it.  I am going to try to keep going to the gym, and hopefully T and I will start seeing some results soon.

I have a huge weekend planned for T's birthday.  I am excited to have the weekend off with him, and an extra day to snuggle.  T turns 40 on Monday, so there will be a small celebration on Sunday for him.  He isn't to excited about it, but it is just a small group of us married friends.  Saturday I have a huge day planned for him.  We are going to go golfing, and hiking.  I am sure he won't be to pleased with the hiking part, but the golfing will be good for us.  I am taking him back to the small town I grew up in.  As much as I think it will be good for us to get out into the fresh air a little.  I want to go back and see my childhood home.  And show him that at one point in my life, I could get dirty!