Even The Positive Break Sometimes

Well, my Dr. appointment went really well.  We have a plan.  I received a referral for T which was what my main objective was.  But she also told me to wait until after my fertility window.  Which we are heading into.  After that, I will go in for CD3 blood work, and ultrasound, and then if we can afford it we will go in for an HSG.  I have to call the insurance company and see if the HSG is covered.  I am not hopeful.  If it isn't covered then it will be about 1000 dollars for both the SA and the HSG.  That makes T a little uncomfortable. 

Yesterday T called the his Dr. because his legs were hurting very bad, and there was some discoloration above his knee.  The Dr. suspects that it could be a clot caused by his medication for his cholesterol.  They want to see him at there office Saturday morning when they open at there urgent care center.  And then a follow up appointment next Friday.  He didn't ask the Dr. what he could do between now and then, if he should elevate or not.  So needless to say, I had a mild breakdown at work yesterday. 

I am exhausted. And I feel like nothing is going right.  I am not one that is always negative, but sometimes being positive is just to strenuous.  And I guess even the most positive people break.  During my mild breakdown yesterday, I was on the phone with T, I told him that I didn't feel like things would ever go our way. I was tired of the odds being stacked against us.  All I wanted was for things to go right.  He told me not to count us out so early in the game.  We can still get through this month and end up pregnant and not have to go through all of the testing.  But, I don't want to hope, I don't want to get my hopes up just to go through all the emotions when I am not.